Today, us single millennials are surrounded by our friends getting married or having their first child. The rest of us are sitting here wondering when our time will come. Maybe not literally sitting and wondering but everyone can admit that the idea of finding their “significant other” has crossed their mind at least once or twice. It was so easy for our parents’ generation; they just go on a few dates, spend some time together and if it worked, they got married (and then probably divorced). Today we have, “talking, hooking up, dating and ‘I have no idea, I’m confused.’” For those that are not familiar, talking means you are getting to know someone, potentially going to date. Hooking up is late night booty call, you know if you are in that category and dating is “boyfriend, girlfriend.” Then there is a mixture of all of that which is the “confused” category. There’s no solidity, no confirmation, no “title,” even when you guys act like any other dating couple. It’s just up and down, one step forward, five steps back. Eventually it gets old and we move on or well at least try to.

There’s a saying, “They always come back, when you’ve moved on.” That only happens because the one who didn’t commit realized it too late. There’s some sort of fear we have about the truth, telling someone how you feel. It’s a big jump to take in case the person does not feel the same way but wouldn’t you rather know before moving on? You sleep in the bed with someone most nights of the week, hang out frequently, talk on a daily basis and the guy acts like he cares but it doesn’t go anywhere. When did it become so complicated?

I had a conversation with a friend about this and his response was, “Because our whole lives, we were brought up to not be allowed to show our feelings. That is society’s fault.” And that is so damn true. We live in a generation where for whatever reason, we care what people think. We are influenced and worried about outsider’s opinions and their thoughts. Boys act like they are too cool to catch feelings. They can guy talk all they want, feel like the man for having a girl in their bed every night without being “whipped” but at the end of the day, behind closed doors they are whipped, they just don’t know it yet.

What happens when the girl moves on because she finally realized she deserves better? The guy gets mad, upset, or feels regret. Why, if they weren’t dating? NO IDEA, it isn’t “cheating” because you two were never together. If you want to be with someone, BE WITH THEM. I don’t know how much simpler it can be. But instead, those men act like they don’t care about their “non-girlfriend” moving on until they realize what they lost. We want what we can’t have, right? Feelings are not something to play with. We can only endure so much pain and confusion until we are tired of it all and finally give up.

So to the “boys” who are afraid to admit their feelings due to the fear of their friends or what others think, MAN UP. Because those boys you are having boy talk with won’t be there when they are married with kids and living their own lives. If you have feelings for a girl, pursue them. Pursue them before one of your boys do. Can’t get mad at that, she was just a hook up to you, remember? Don’t watch her fall in the arms of another man, watch him travel the world with her, take her to dinner and bring her flowers. Don’t sit back and think, “That could have or should have been me.” That would have been you if you grew a pair. No one should dictate your feelings or how you feel about someone. Better yet, no one should dictate your potential future. If she makes you happy, that is all that matters. I know for some men it takes them time to figure it out but if you find yourself spending more time with her than others, it should say something. So think about it before you lose something good. And if you are the one afraid that feelings may not be mutual, you are wrong. Girls do not spend that much time with guys without catching feelings. Trust me, she would not waste her time if she didn’t like you.

And to the ladies, respect yourself. Know your worth and know what you deserve. Do not settle for less just for the attention, you are better than that. It’s hard to be the first one up front about feelings and letting your guards down but if he cannot appreciate you the way you deserve to be treated, he is not the one. One day there will be a guy who doesn’t care about anything or anyone else but you. He will not care what others have to say, will not care about who is thinking what. It will be you and only you and that time will come. Just be patient and hold your own. Stop wasting your time waiting for him to realize what he has and letting yourself feel crazy. You are not crazy, he just has not grown up yet. Letting go is never easy when there is still so much hope there but all he is doing is keeping you from the one that is destined for you.