Depression is waking up with no motivation to leave your bed and get ready for the day. It is akin to having a weight on your chest that never waivers.
Waking up each day for class is a struggle that will never change despite the help you may have with your depression. Medication helps you feel something besides the numbness you may have thought was completely normal for quite some time. Counselling benefited you for a very little bit of time, but it only works when you accept the help being offered.
It's forgetting to eat and being confused as to why your stomach hurts or on the polar opposite side of the spectrum, eating for mere comfort. You can have bursts of energy where you want to clean and be productive which will only plummet to a day or two spent in your bed.
This severe level of sadness is being tired despite having a little or an excessive amount of sleep. It is to feel restless when you lie in bed at two o'clock in the morning seeking any sort of sleep even if it lasts for a few minutes.
You begin to get angry with your friends and family, unsure of how to control the turmoil. Some understand your emotions while others believe it is a mere excuse to get away with everything; cancelling plans, not attending class or to just avoid everyone as a whole. The anger shifts to bursts of tears which hold no mercy and doesn't come with a schedule, instead it will hit when you least expect it. You can cry at something as simple as a hello.
If you're lucky, however, your friends and family will ask what they can do to help. They can identify when your depression worsens and know what to brace themselves for. This could be mood swings or severe isolation. These people will create a support system that maybe you don't even realize you have -- take a moment and think of two or even five people you could rely on when things take a turn for the worse. That is your support system. Be open to them. Tell them when you begin to feel worse. Remember, to be honest with your doctor about how your medications are taking a toll on your body, it takes trial and error to find the appropriate one. Not only that, be honest with your counselor. They are there to help you. Lying will not help your treatment; it will only work if you accept the help being offered.
Understand that you are loved. You are an important member of this crazy world we live in. And it will get better in time, this I promise.
