Birthday cards. They're the perfect accompaniment to any gift, or they work well on their own if one does not deserve a gift, just simply a "Happy birthday, old friend that I don't want to spend money on." That being said, greeting cards do cost money, and, in fact, quite a lot of money for a piece of card stock that will be thrown away. So, I conducted my own research. I went to Hallmark, the kingdom of greeting cards. I stuck to birthday cards only, but there are so many different options when it comes to special occasions that greeting cards cover. Depending on how much you want to spend, here's what your money will get you at Hallmark for a special birthday card:

1. $7.99 Owl Card

This card plays "Happy Birthday." It's just an instrumental version; there aren't even words. Quite frankly, I'd spend more money on this card than a gift I'm getting someone.

2. $7.99 R2-D2 Card

This unique Star Wars birthday card comes with a bracelet made to drive any parent up the wall. At first glance, the card comes with a watch. But, behold, it is actually just a button on a bracelet that makes weird robot noises. The poor, poor parents who have to watch in fear as a well-meaning aunt gives their son or daughter this card.

3. $6.99 Expanding Fireworks Card

You go into it thinking that this card is quite boring for a card whose cost could buy you too much food from Taco Bell. Surprise!! This card gets really tall and shoots off pretend birthday fireworks.

4. $6.99 High Heel Card

Yep, I'm not even kidding. This bedazzled high heel birthday card with a blank inside costs over $7 after tax.

5. $5.99 Toy Story Card

Similar to the R2-D2 card, this Toy Story card comes with a bracelet with some sort of removable rubber buttons. I'm a sucker for Woody and Buzz, so if this card was cheaper, I'd consider purchasing it.

6. $5.49 Boring Husband Card

Can I take a moment to point out a few things? What husband wants a card with dragonflies on it? And, even for the husband who loves said dragonflies, what ink is going to show up on a dark brown birthday card? Might as well try and write in white crayon.

7. $4.99 Chicken Dance Card

When you open this card, it blasts the music to The Chicken Dance. What a perfect card for someone who you want to have vivid flashbacks to the middle school dance when he or she was forced to do The Chicken Dance in a big, awkward circle. In all seriousness, this card is one of the least expensive when it comes to cards that play music.

8. $4.49 21st Card

It's hard to tell from the picture, but this card looked like it had been sat upon by a Hallmark truck driver. The card was basically folded in half and I had to try and straighten it to take the picture. This is the same price as a Grande Cafe Latte from Starbucks... just saying.

9. $3.99 Grandson Dog Card

This card is one of my favorites, but I still wouldn't pay $4 for it. The dog is obviously adorable and the joke about the grandparents doing a "Googly" search just makes me laugh. I pretty much have the sense of humor of a grandma.

10. $3.49 Shih Tzu Card

I'll leave it at, "I wouldn't give two SHIH TZU."

11. $2.99 Cats Card

Here's a card that's in my budget! Too bad it's for a girl's 16th birthday. But, I mean, there's nothing a Sharpie can't fix.

12. $2.99 Elsa Card

All of my friends and family will become Frozen fans when I buy them this card that isn't ridiculously expensive.

BONUS:

The "shoebox" people make me LOL.