They say freshman year of college is one of the best years of your young adult life. Well if you ask me, I'd like to give "they" a run for their money. Sure, your first year of college comes with all the new freedoms to rebel against everything your parents told you not to do, and that's all fun and games until you realize that you're not just paying thousands of dollars to party... you're here to grow up.
For me, the "going out every Thursday-Saturday" phase lasted well beyond just my freshman year. I found it difficult my Sophomore year to stay in on a Thursday night and actually study, having major FOMO that I would miss out on one of the "best nights ever". So I did go out. And regretted it every morning.
But the reality of it is, life is too short to worry about "who is hooking up with who", or "so-and-so aren't talking to each other anymore". Since my desire to stay in the loop with this "drama" was so important at the time, I can honestly say that I was a self-conscious, unaware, naive teenager just wanting what everyone else wants; to be included, liked, and fit in.
Looking back I wish I could tell myself to stop. Stop hiding your opinions. Stop making bad choices just because it seems like the right choice at the time. Stop obsessing over fitting in. Stop hanging out with people who obviously aren't looking out for your best interest. Stop being someone you're not.
It wasn't until reaching my 20's that I starting realizing that this lifestyle I was living isn't getting me anywhere. The strive just wasn't there.
For such a long time, I would be so afraid to speak my mind, terrified of what people would think of me. I was so scared of being judged that I was hiding the person who I knew I really was.
Deep s#*!, I know.
But if it weren't for all those nights I went out when I should have been studying, or every time I changed my mind about something just because someone told me I was wrong, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this.
See, from all the stupid decisions I made the first two years on my own, I actually learned something. I learned that it was time to grow up... I didn't want to be that 18-year-old girl anymore.
I learned that I'm actually a WAY more opinionated person than I thought, or give myself credit for. I learned that I have to deal with this little thing that I have called anxiety, not just brush it off. I learned that not everyone is going to like the type of music I do, or the clothes I wear, or the things I enjoy doing. I learned what I like and what I don't like in relationships with friends as well as relationships in the dating world... and guess what? I don't care what anyone thinks.
I can proudly say that I am the type of person who enjoys spending time by myself every now and then. I actually take the time to enjoy things and people in my surroundings, not just what's on the screen of my iPhone. I'll also be the first (and definitely not the last) to say that I KNOW I am a weird human being. My sense of humor for example... definitely something that only I find funny, but who cares, right?
So what's my point on this coming of age experience that I'm having? Easy. Stop doing/being/acting/thinking/dressing like someone you're not, just for the pure fear of being judged. And with that I want to say thank you to 18-year-old me. Thank you for giving me a reality check. Thank you for helping me realize my full potential. Thank you for helping me become so much happier with myself today.
There is nothing more satisfying than being able to look to yourself in the mirror and feel comfortable; physically as well as mentally. Learning this about myself is, I think, the most valuable lesson I'm going to take with me from my years at college. And THAT is something I'm more than happy to pay thousands of dollars for.
