If you scroll through your Facebook newsfeed for a few minutes, you’ll likely come across some type of article, video, or post regarding mom-shaming. The fact that this is a trending phrase is actually pretty sad. When did the mom-shaming even become a thing? Parenting is difficult enough as it is and new parents are already overwhelmed by this new normal of taking care of a tiny human. Why add to their stress by shaming them?

Unfortunately, it’s happening. While we can talk as much as we’d like about how much we hate this new trend, it likely won’t ever go away.

One particular form of mom-shaming that happens all too frequently is breastfeeding. This seems to be a topic that everyone has an opinion on, whether they’re a parent or not.

Now, typically, when the word breastfeeding pops up online, there’s discussion about doing this very natural practice in public. But, in the mom world, most of the shaming occurs in whether new moms are breastfeeding or formula feeding.

Maybe you’re thinking: what does this matter? Well, apparently, it’s a pretty big deal (at least for some people).

One month ago, I became a mom for the first time. My plans for feeding my baby were to exclusively breastfeed. There are so many amazing health benefits to breastfeeding and I wanted my baby to get the best there was in terms of food. Plus, breastfeeding is FREE. (Aside from the equipment needed for pumping).

Just because this was my decision doesn’t mean that I’m gun-ho for breastfeeding and against formula feeding. This was simply a choice I wanted to make.

After giving birth, I breastfed my baby in the hospital. It’s definitely not easy to do as both baby and I were learning the ropes. Luckily, my hospital had an amazing lactation consultant to help us along the way.

Unfortunately, things weren’t working out so well and my baby was losing weight. While this is completely normal, there comes a point where the baby can lose too much weight. My baby reached that point. Despite breastfeeding regularly and pumping a little bit, my baby just wasn’t getting enough to gain weight. The doctors and nurses recommended supplementing with formula.

Now, I’d be silly not to agree to this. My son had lost a pound just two days after being born. That’s not healthy for a newborn. So, while it wasn’t in my parenting plan, I agreed to supplement with formula.

A month has now gone by. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to breastfeed. My son has a dairy and soy allergy. Even with the formula and the breastfeeding, he had been spitting up a lot and he wasn’t gaining weight. He had even lost more weight since leaving the hospital.

His doctor provided us with a hypoallergenic formula that finally worked. He is now able to keep his food down and is gaining weight!

Now, because I know that he has allergies, I would be able to change my diet to help him. I tried this and let me tell you, becoming dairy and soy free is not easy. Do you realize how much dairy & soy is in the foods we eat? (Seriously, I challenge you to check ingredients).

Unfortunately, we came into a lot of difficulty in becoming a dairy-free household. It gets expensive. Our family is already on a tight budget, especially now that I’m on maternity leave. Plus, my milk supply was really low and my baby continued to spit up after feedings. I did try, boy did I try, but it wasn’t working out.

I’m here to tell you, this was not an easy thing for me to handle at all. Throughout the whole process of trying to breastfeed, I cried… a lot.

I cried in the hospital when I couldn’t get him to latch.

I cried when the nurses told me he’d lost more weight.

I cried when I realized my milk was making him spit up.

I cried when I fed him a bottle of formula, wishing it could be breastmilk.

And I cried when I finally realized that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed my baby.

My experience is just one. There are so many women out there that have difficulty breastfeeding their child. But, the mom-shamers out there will bully moms into feeling bad for not doing it. That’s just plain wrong.

The fact is: you don’t know someone’s situation. So, how can you judge them?

You often hear the phrase: “breast is best!” while that may be true, it isn’t best for all babies. I prefer the phrase “fed is best.” As long as your baby is eating healthy, that’s all that should matter.

To the mom-shamers: take a step back and think about what you’re really doing to these moms you’re tearing down. As a mom, you know how hard it is and how easy it is to feel like you aren’t doing enough. Don’t inflict further stress on another mom. Be supportive instead.

To the moms being shamed: You’re doing AMAZING! You know what’s best for your children. That’s all that matters. Don’t let the opinions of others cloud your ability to be a great parent.

The world would be a much better place is we chose to support moms instead of shame them. Choose who you’ll be wisely.