After finishing up a great read titled "Modern Romance" by the ever-hilarious Aziz Ansari, I've been focusing a lot on the dating world and how we, as active users of the Internet and iPhones, find current friendships, relationships, and even love. The book focuses on not only teens but adults and their experiences with online dating, Internet relationships, and general texting between themselves and a perspective suitor. Though the book does lack some expected comedy from Ansari, it presents well researched topics that include graphs, polls, Reddit focus groups, studies done by relationship experts and researchers from various institutions, and very detailed comparisons between dating in the States versus other places like the aggressive Buenos Aires or the constant flings occurring in France. Being a teen/a member of the early-twenties during this revolutionary time for the use of the Internet and things like Catfish, as well as dating sites like Date My School or OkCupid, I felt strangely connected to the topics and bits of information written in Ansari's Best-Selling book since they seemed to hit a little closer to home.

Shockingly enough, being twenty and trying to date in college seems to be close to impossible. It's amazing meeting different people all the time, whether it is based on where you live, who you know, where you party, what classes you're currently taking, or who you accidentally bump into while walking away with your Starbucks in hand. It's equally as amazing to be immune to the idea that one of these people will want to get to know you, want to spend time with you, and then eventually want to begin a relationship with you. It's basically foreign. Ansari, in "Modern Romance" talks about times where he has met someone super cool and interesting in the most random place, talked to them forever, became interested, tried to begin something with them but then it's as if they fell off the face of the Earth. Story of my life. There have been so many times where you meet someone that you are into intellectually or physically and just want to get to know better. Except, the guy/girl gets the wrong impression, thinking you are looking for more than they want to offer you and suddenly, you no longer exist.

It's a back and fourth struggle between us in early-adulthood, as Ansari labels it, to figure out what we want and apply it to our daily lives. Being so Internet savvy, we are constantly looking for the quickest fix for our problems which in these cases, turn us to online dating sites. As appealing as EHarmony and it's marriage rate sounds, it isn't something younger people are looking for now-a-days. Ansari writes in his book that we now are wanting to experience an 'early-adulthood', causing a shift. People are getting married at older ages and having kids later than their parents and grandparents have in the past. We are anxious to experience ourselves and not 'miss out' before settling down. So, we use quick Apps like Tinder, OkCupid, or websites like Date My School. These allow us to see a range of options at once, flooding us with everything we could want and more. Though, Ansari states that the more options we have, the harder it is for us to choose, we swipe and swipe until we find something desirable.

This tactic doesn't always end as we think it may. Sometimes people use Tinder really seriously, looking for the love of their life. Some use it as a joke and some, like me, use it to communicate with new people, never knowing who you will meet and what they will say to try and get your attention. Being at college and on this app, I see friends and match with them as a joke, only to say "wanna meet up" or something equally as dumb. Yet, some people on the app are seriously looking for hookups and one-night stands. This shouldn't steer you from apps like this because sometimes, in person when people try to talk to you, they might want that too.

Coming from a bigger town in New Jersey, dating was always hard. At a high school of 3,000+, there were so many people and everyone had an excuse. A relationship would get in the way of sports, school work, their performances, and once we got closer to leaving, no one wanted any ties when they went to college. Except, here we are at college, where no one wants ties still.

Of course it's great being just 'you' and being able to go where you want with who you want and meet new people that may be in your life or you may never see again but we do have a basic need for affection and sometimes wish you could be something more with a certain someone. This is especially hard, I find, being in college when people just want to be 'them' and think you're going to get in the way. But how can they know that for sure when they just don't give you a chance?

I agree, having open options is always a plus because you never know who you will meet next or what will happen but that's what is so unpredictable about life! You hindering yourself from going with the flow is changing your path and forcing you to miss out of something potentially amazing. I personally almost gave up on my search, thinking maybe I wasn't good enough or that I would just pull a How I Met Your Mother and force someone to promise to marry me at 40 if we're both single then. But that's when I met someone. On Tinder. It's when I stopped forcing myself to look and let it fall into the universe's hands that I received a ridiculous Tinder message from a college grad, living the town over from me that actually wanted to go bowling with me, watch "The Emperor's New Groove", eat chipotle, and constantly make me laugh and feel so weird but also so normal. But this is just the beginning and time can only tell where it will all end up.

So, no, you're not the only person thinking something is wrong with you and wondering why it's so hard for those in early-adulthood to settle down and let things happen as they may. I realized all of this while reading Ansari's book and figuring out that I wasn't alone and maybe should ease up and let it come to me. You can't change people and the way they have programmed themselves after seeing their parents split or being in a bad relationship with an even worse breakup. Everything takes time and if that's what someone wants, don't get mad at them for it or blame yourself because there might be circumstances you don't know about. Take it with a grain of salt and sail on. You never know what's up next.