I look at the women in my life that I admire; my mother, my aunts, my sorority sisters, and wonder what it is about them that I look up to most. And I realized what these women had in common was the fact that they did not allow themselves to be defined by their relationships with men. When my sorority big life broke up with her boyfriend last year, I felt sad for her, but at the same time I was happy about the decision she made for herself. It was a long-winded, 8-month romance that was mostly communicated through Skype and text.
Looking at their relationship made me contemplate upon the relationships our generation. She had met him over Christmas at the Gym where she worked out. However, when the holidays were over she relocated for her job. This guy seemed to be perfect for her. He was an older, more down-to-earth, physically fit, gentleman. He came to visit her down South a few times. That May she was offered an internship in Washington State, over 3,000 miles away. This was more than a 12 hour road trip or a $90 flight, this was cross-country. They tried to make it work, but after months of broken promises, they split. He had assured her he would make the trip, he would visit. But soon his finances got in the way – or so he claimed. My role model was faced with a decision; her man or her career. She chose the latter. It is a choice I respect her for most dearly. As for myself, I am certain I would pick a job, or a scholarship, over any man.
This leads me to wonder: are women of our generation selfish, cautious, or just plain driven? Are we too selfish to make sacrifices for love? Are we playing it safe, knowing full well the perils our mothers and grandmothers faced in unhappy marriages? Leaving it to our own volition to make ourselves happy, to not rely on some man to fulfill us?
As a wise woman once said, “Your career will never wake up one morning and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore?” So I ask, are we a new breed of women? The type that won’t be happy until she has several achievements under her belt, various awards, honors, and praise given to her. A woman that finds not a vain pride, but a satisfying fulfillment in her accomplishments. We are the women of the 21st century. Our mothers ventured out into the workforce where our grandmothers didn’t while juggling the responsibility of a family and a husband. They were the women who could do it all. We are the women who know better. We know that when you find that one special someone, you give your best effort, you love with all your heart.
But we also know that our happiness comes first. If you find equal happiness in your career and a man, there is no shame in that. Nor is there shame in choosing your dreams - whether they be with a family or with a career. Where there is shame, women of my generation know, is not living up to our full potential. We go where we are satisfied. We go where our hearts and minds take us.
Those who realize this, may be the smartest women I know.
