It sucks to miss someone. It sucks even more to miss them and not be able to tell them. I'm not sure if you knew, but I miss you. I miss you a lot actually. Especially here lately when I have found myself in this upside down mess that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I think about what my life would have been with you and I wonder if you think about that sometimes. I miss you sometimes and it just seems like out of nowhere a memory will slap me in the face and remind me of you. It's so weird how a song or a smell can bring back memories isn't it. That's been happening to me a lot lately.
I miss our laughs together. I miss the way we literally could just watch South Park reruns for hours and just laugh until our sides hurt. I haven't watched South Park much here lately actually. I guess I grew out of it or maybe I just get sad sometimes when I watch it cause you're not there to watch it with me. It's almost like it's not as funny without you.
I miss the way we could just be together, neither one of us saying a word. We could just sit and be and that was enough. I miss that a lot sometimes. I miss the way you would call me on your way to work late at night because you knew I would be up. I miss how you would get mad at all the traffic you had to fight to get to work at 12 o'clock at night. I miss that sometimes.
I miss the way you would text me on your way to work and tell me you loved me and that you were thinking about me. I used to love to get those texts from you. I miss waiting for first period to end so I could text you and tell you I loved you and to have sweet dreams when you got off work. I miss staying up all night, waiting for you to get off work so I could meet you with breakfast. I miss that a lot sometimes.
I miss the way I could look out in the crowd and see you sitting there at my chorus concerts. Even though you had worked all night and barely gotten any sleep, you would still come to every single thing I was ever involved in and you would never complain because you loved me. I miss that sometimes too.
I miss you always being on my side about things. Even if I knew I was wrong, and you obviously knew I was wrong, you would still be in my corner no matter what. I miss the way you called me silly names, like "Lope". I remember when I asked you why you called me that you said, "because it sounds like cantaloupe and it's funny". It really wasn't funny. Silly rather. But I miss that.
I miss you being at my house on Sunday's to hang out with me and my family. I know there were a million other things you probably wanted to spend your Sunday night doing, but you came over to my house and hung out with me and my parents all afternoon anyway. I miss you being beside me in the car when we would go on road trips with my family. Even if you didn't want to be there, you went anyway. I miss that.
I miss taking road trips with you in general. I miss going to Nashville with you and going to Atlanta with you. I wonder if you remember that time we were in Atlanta at Six Flags and we almost saw a fight between a 40 year old man and a few junior high kids? Do you remember that? I remember you cut your eyes at me signaling to me not to say anything to the 40 year old guy yelling at a bunch of kids, but do you remember that I said something anyway? I think you were mad/scared that I was going to get us killed. That was a fun memory.
I miss being in Nashville with you at your uncles place in the middle of winter. It was so cold outside and there was this bone shuttering chill in the air but you wanted to take a four wheeler out anyway. So we did. Remember I was on the back hanging on to you for dear life because that was the first time I had ever been on a four wheeler and I was scared to death? I miss that.
I miss when we finally went in that night and cuddled up on your uncles couch in front of the fire place. I remember I inhaled your cologne and buried my face in your chest, wondering if the rest of my life would be this good. Turns out it hasn't been that simple or sweet since. I miss the way you smell and the way you laugh at me when I'm being stupid. I miss the way you always wore black. It was our favorite color back then I think. It's still one of my favorites.
I know that you're better off far, far away from here but I still catch myself missing you sometimes and I wish I didn't. I was the reason we broke up. I was the reason you moved away. I was the reason your heart broke. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I still miss you sometimes.