Hey, I know that we don’t talk or see each other anymore, but I’ve been doing an awful lot of thinking lately. I want you to know that I miss you. I’m not saying that I wish things were different or that I expect you to pick up a phone and reach out. I just miss you. It pains me to know that a person who I used to care so much about, and still care for, is now a total stranger. I can’t believe that sometimes I’ll go a whole day without thinking about you.
Then, something happens. I’ll see a picture, be reminded of a joke, listen to a song, or hear your name, and the full weight of what has been lost crashes down on me. A large part of me wants to see you again, maybe along with some mutual friends. Or hug you again, even if it’s just a friendly hug. But quickly those feelings turn into nothing, and I remember that things ended for a reason, and as much as my heart fights in a battle against my mind, I need to remember why.
After communication was cut off, the pain of remembering details was at an all-time high. But I’ve come to realize something. It’s good that my heart aches when I think of you, because that means that I had someone in my life who was worth missing. I know that it wasn’t all for nothing. I would play sad songs on a loop, because it allowed me to have something to relate to. When I couldn’t express how I was feeling or I didn’t want to bother my friends by talking about you, I would shift my focus to songs that so accurately related to my situation. Every now and then when I checked my horoscope, I would secretly check yours as well. I’d ask mutual friends how you were doing, and I was happy to hear that you were well, but at the same time I wondered if you felt better now then you had when we were together. Eventually I realized that you moved on and I didn’t, which is a prime example of how much I contradict myself. I had my reasons for ending things, and they are still as valid as ever, it’s just that the reasons are so easy to forget. After the fallout, I thought we could recover. In the past I’ve had good luck in recovering friendships and having them become stronger than ever.
I try not to torture myself with wondering if you ever think of me, because it just brings back the pain that I’m so close to moving on from. I guess that what I really want to say is that I hope things are going well. I hope that you’re genuinely happy and I hope that you are doing things that you love doing. I hope everything is great. I hope that you’ve found someone who can offer you all of the things that I once couldn’t. Since we parted ways, a lot of people have asked me about you. I can’t lie and say that I hate you, because that's simply not true. I also can’t say that I was unhappy, because that’s not true either. The truth is that I think you’re great, which is why when I say “I hope you’re doing well," I mean it. If this whole situation has taught me anything, it’s that one day I’ll have someone who I won't have to say goodbye to. A small part of me hopes that you remember how things used to be, and that even if it’s just for a split second, I hope you miss me too.