A Letter To My Mom After She Died
Start writing a post
Entertainment

A Letter To My Mom After She Died

Forget diamonds, a mother is a girls true best friend.

9829
A Letter To My Mom After She Died
Jane Cassidy

Dear Mom,

I know that you have been gone now for almost four months but I still don't think that it has hit me yet. I thought your empty bed & the silence that your voice should be filling would knock me into reality but I think all it does is make me numb. I feel like I'm waiting. I'm waiting for you to yell my name again, I'm waiting for you to ask me to watch a movie with you again. I'm just constantly waiting.

Nothing is harder than when I go to send you a text message or tag you in a Facebook post and I suddenly realize that you're not going to be able to reply to me. There are mornings where I wake up in a panic, because I didn't wake up to you ringing the bell. I didn't wake up to you needing your medicine. I panic for a minute. I can't breathe, my heart races and I jump out of my bed, waking up my son in the process. I know you are free from pain now and I am so happy for you but I wish I could still be taking care of you instead.

I wish I knew that when I woke up in the morning, I got to hear your voice and give you a hug. I wish that I could hear you singing to Nicholas again or asking him how his day was. I wish for so much that I can't ever experience with you again and most days, I don't think I will ever get any better. I'm afraid that I'll miss you so much for so long that I won't be able to move on with my life. Honestly, I don't know how I can. I didn't only lose my mom, I lost my best friend and I don't know how to cope with that.

I feel like everyone else around me is handling you being gone so much easier than I am and I feel inadequate. I feel weak. I want to be able to spend an entire day feeling good but as soon as I feel okay, I think "I can't wait to tell mom" and suddenly all of my energy is drained and I just want to go to sleep for a while. Walking into your room is like playing Russian roulette with my heart. Sometimes, I feel so much better being in there but other times I'm paralyzed and I can see every bad thing and every good thing that ever happened in there.

When you were still here, I had plenty of things to do to relax me when I was feeling stressed but now all of those things remind me of you and I can't relax anymore. I feel stuck trying to figure out how to fix myself because I didn't realize it was possible for a heart to be this broken but still beating.

I think that I am going to miss you forever, hard. Sometimes I don't think I will ever feel any better, sometimes I feel okay. I wish I could pinpoint all of my feelings because it seems they are all over the place. I just miss you, mom. I miss your laugh, your voice, your cooking and your hugs. I miss all of you. I always will. I will always look for you in everything I do. You are the reason I am the person I am today and I made promises to you that I intend to keep forever. I can't wait to see you again and catch you up on my life. I can't wait to drink tea with you in bed while we watch TV and talk about everything. I love you and I miss you. I hope that while you watch me from wherever you are, that you are still proud of me. Forever.

Sincerely,

Missy Moo

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

8 Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For Your Long-Distance Partner

Looking for a gift idea for your long-distance Valentine's date this year? Here are some creative, thoughtful gifts for you!

14588
Photo by Ben Collins on Unsplash

As Valentine's Day approaches, I realized that it's the first Valentine's Day I have had with my boyfriend that we're more than 6,000 miles apart. Despite the distance though, my mind has been reeling over what to get him, as one of my main love languages is gift-giving. So here are some ideas that I've seen that I think would be perfect for any relationship, whether you're together or apart.

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't sure how to write this article.

In the past, I've written about the lies we tell ourselves. I've written about how thoughts can be destructive, how they can have power over who we are.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Put Down Your Phone And Read These 8 Statistics About Texting And Driving You Wish Didn't Exist

We text all the time, so it's no surprise you may find yourself wanting to pick up your phone even when you're driving.

5201

You're driving to the grocery store when your phone buzzes in your pocket. You instinctively reach to check it, but it can wait until you park. These are eight statistics to read before you text and drive because they'll change how you view your time on the road.

Everyone's made the mistake of looking at their phone while in the driver's seat, but not everyone gets home safely afterward. Learn why it's better to avoid distracted driving so you don't become one of these statistics this year:

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Have An Eating Disorder And I Refuse To Let It Kill Me

Even at my lowest, the number on the scale never seemed low enough... but was it ever worth the risk of losing my life?

3494
Trigger warning: This article discusses topics that may be triggering for some readers.

I looked down at my thumb today. I know haven't been eating enough. I told everyone I would get all my vitamins and calories in. I totally wanted to eat more of the guacamole I bought the other day, but I counted what I had eaten and those numbers seemed a little too high. I decided I didn't need the extra helping, so I went to bed and the guacamole went bad.

Keep Reading... Show less

When pursuing a degree that most deem 'useless' or a 'waste of time' there happens to be a lot of self-doubt and fear, especially with the pending doom of graduation around the corner. I remember when I was about to graduate from college with a Bachelor's in Acting, I was absolutely terrified.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

TikTok Made Me Buy It: Flawless's Skincare Fridge

I bought and tested one of TikTok's popular products so you don't have to.

106119

I spend a lot of time on TikTok and I never know whether the products I see are worth it or not, especially when I'm looking at the price. For Christmas, my aunt got me a gift card to Ulta. I didn't know what to buy. I have way too many palettes and lipsticks. I have my essentials. What else could I need? Then it hit me that I saw a lot of people these past few months showing off their skincare fridges. So, the second I thought of it I went on the Ulta app and bought it. So, here are my thoughts.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

37 Cute And Unique Pinterest Board Titles

Let's be real, the hardest part about Pinterest is thinking of a cute title for your board.

56465

I don't know about anyone else but I have recently become re-obsessed with Pinterest. Like, I am spending a stupid amount of time on Pinterest daily now. While I have been binging Pinterest I have found that I love making cute and aesthetic boards but it is SO hard to come up with a name to match it. So, I scoured the internet and my brain for you. Happy pinning!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

This Is What Type Of Person You Are Based On Your Favorite Cereal

Your cereal preference reveals more than you think.

35654
Photo by Nyana Stoica on Unsplash

Whether you eat cereal for breakfast or a late-night snack, you probably have a favorite. Little did you know that what you prefer says a lot about your personality.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments