On February 23, 2017, was my last interaction with my older brother. On February 28, 2017, he passed away.
The topic we all dread because grief is an uncomfortable emotion. I realize this is a very personal issue, but it is one that needs to be discussed. Tragedy and death are a natural occurrence of life and yet when it occurs it is understandably so difficult to cope.
I lost my brother to suicide and as I'm writing this I still can't fathom the reality. My brother was my mentor, my punching bag, my consoler and most importantly, my best friend. He took his own life and as months have passed by it still feels surreal.
It’s so infuriating to think that someone you had such a close relationship with could not come to you to seek comfort or assistance, but that's just it. How could I expect that from him or anyone else? I am not my brother. I have not had the same experiences nor the same influences. I cannot possibly begin to understand or comprehend the thinking or reasoning that was taking place in his mind. Therefore, I have no right to judge or assume.
The human mind is a tough organ to crack. We all go through some sort of suffering or trauma, whether it be physical or psychological. Physical stressors can include anything from predatory threats to starvation/dehydration, etc. Our bodies are very clever and can usually help us in physical situations. However psychological……not so much. We as human beings don't necessarily have the coping mechanisms to deal with psychological stressors. Our minds don't know how to “heal themselves”.
This is probably why the topic of mental illnesses is still quite taboo in this day and age, which is totally understandable. How can something be comfortable if we don't even know much about it? I mean sure there's psychology and research that is being done on a daily basis. However, we can never truly know what is going on in someone else's mind.
I have reached the point where I am neutral to this unforgettable tragedy. I have reached the stage of acceptance. How can I expect to live in an alternate reality where my brother exists when that is clearly not true, or healthy for that matter.
The past is something that cannot be changed, and time is something that cannot be recreated. The idea that time is something that can never be gained back, something that can never be controlled or re-altered. Time is simply of itself and has immense power.
There may not have been reason or benefit as to why an event occurred, it was simply just fate. The timing, the setting, the environment, etc. was not set up or planned by a universal destiny. The events simply occurred due to fate.
In this moment, I want to thank my brother for teaching me about life through the lyrics of his favorite songs. Thank you for humoring me through your charisma and jokes. Thank you for living 21 years of strength and hope.
Mental illness is becoming more and more prevalent in our society and it deserves attention, it deserves recognition.
