WASHINGTON, D.C.- Within the first week of his time in office, voices from all across the nation have offered their input on the already controversial actions of President Trump. However, one voice in particular is, according to reporters, "stepping up his meme game."
Addressing a population concerned about the new administration's potential distortion of the truth via "alternative facts", vice president Mike Pence held a press conference Wednesday morning, where, he addressed his intention to "beat out that weak scrub Joe."
"Look, Diamond Joe was one hecking fella, but I think the ol' Pence-ster's gonna beat that knucklehead out in the meme game by the end of my first term", the new vice president was reported saying. "And hey, I love Peepee the frog. My wife and I dab to that silly little character every morning before we pray the gays away." When one journalist asked about the new president's plan to continue work on the Dakota Access Pipeline, despite outrage from the Native American community, Pence responded appropriately.
"That's a great question, miss. You know, I can't really say what my favorite meme is. I enjoy a classic Kermit meme every now and then, but gosh, I just cannot stop giggling at the fella that pours salt on a steak", said Pence. "I'm certainly no homosexual, but he does have quite the chiseled jawline." When reporters asked the vice president to answer her original question, Pence became visibly infuriated, and began to violently ramble in Latin while waving a Bible in the reporter's face before finally referring to the reporter as an "agent of the fake news", and assured viewers that "the U.S. Ministry of Truth will investigate her false claims" before finally ending the press conference.
