Western Illinois University Class of 2017.

The idea of graduating college is supposed to be uplifting, relieving, exciting, amazing. I feel all of these things; but I also feel despair, sadness, and anxiety.

I have spent my whole life, especially in middle school, researching colleges and planning my future. I always wanted to go to Harvard or some other super prestigious institution. In my eighth grade or freshman year of school, I asked my dad if I could apply at those schools when it came time. He always told me that we would find a way to pay for it if I got in.

When the time came, plans and priorities changed. After graduating with my Associates degree a year after I graduated high school, I had to plan where I wanted to transfer to get my Bachelor's. At this point in my life, I needed to stay close to my hometown. I couldn't bare being away from my friends, family, or fiance for two years while I got my Bachelor's.

I had decided I wanted to go into the criminal justice field and since Western Illinois University had the best program in Illinois, I decided to transfer there.

I lived in a dorm with my best friend and had a blast. I experienced the normal college experience of midterms and finals, staying up way too late studying, drinking too much at parties, made some good friends, lost the "freshman 15". My time at WIU was well spent and I will miss it.

However, my anxiety and sadness doesn't come from the fact that I will miss college when I graduate in May. It comes from the fact that I don't know what's going to happen after I graduate.

Am I going to be able to get a job?

How am I going to pay my bills?

Am I qualified enough to get a job?

I have spent so much time in school. I have taken so many classes and even gotten great grades but does that make me qualified? I am probably around fifty grand in debt and what do I have to show for it? Yes, I have almost two college degrees and I am extremely proud of that but is that enough to get a job?

Am I going to be able to find a job close to home? Am I going to have to uproot my whole life and move just to find a job in my field?

I am terrified that I will graduate and will continue having to work my minimum wage job and not be able to buy a much needed new car and begin paying on my school loans.

I am terrified that I will have to continue relying on my parents and fiance after I graduate.

I'm not saying all this just to sit on my soap box and whine - although I am. I am saying all of this because I am tired. It is so frustrating living in a world where grown adults and the elderly are constantly downing the "millennials". Every generation has lazy and entitled people. I know, shocker.

I am not lazy. I try not to be entitled - although I feel as if I am.

I'm entitled because I have worked my fucking ass off. I have been in college since my sophomore or junior year of high school. I essentially got my Associate's degree in a year and my Bachelor's degree in a year and a half. I am only twenty-one years old and have almost two college degrees. I've accomplished more (academically) in three years than a lot of people will in their lifetime.

It has been exhausting and I don't think any amount of sleep will ever heal me; But, according to many older individuals, I am lazy and will never have to work as hard as my ancestors.

After everything I have accomplished and been through in the past few years, I would rather live at home and give my brain some time to relax, but I cannot.

I can't because I have crippling debt from school to the point where I probably won't even be able to get a new car. My loan payments are going to be more than our house payment and my fiance's car payment combined. I doubt I will ever be able to pay off my student loan debt.

So, yes, I am terrified of what is to come. I am terrified of struggling. I am terrified of having children and not being able to contribute to their schooling because I am still paying off mine. I am terrified of not being able to find a job that will financially support my needs. I am terrified that I have worked so hard for nothing.

I have spent the whole semester going over the what-ifs in my head.

Ultimately, I graduate in May and I don't know what's going to happen but I am hoping for the best - as I pull out my hair in worry.

However, I do know that if you're reading this and you participate in putting down millennials, you just fucking suck. Period. I'll send you a copy of my degrees and debt statement when I'm done.

K? Thx.