How To Perfect Your Cat Eye Liner Game

How To Perfect Your Cat Eye Liner Game

Meow, Bitch!

Like a claw mark, it must be sudden, and fierce. It must flick mysteriously up, and send terror into those who witness it. Unlike you who must hide in the jungle stalking until you pounce. The swoop must announce who you are... So who are you?

You are a person who wants to jump on a dying, yet never to end fad! So let's momentarily slip out of the jungle Vietcong-style, and learn some fucking devastating beauty tips.

Step 1. Prep work! A.k.a. Eyelid primer! I used to think this shit was bull, but recently I changed up my foundation (holla Pür) and found that my lids were a bit greasy, and nothing would stick to them. After a few frustrating attempts, something clicked, and I pulled out one of the many samples of the Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion they keep giving me in an attempt to make it happen. Unlike fetch, this did happen!

Plan B. Now that your lids are a blank canvas lets graffiti it up a bit, shall we? I know there are many different schools of thought about the order of the many things we put on our lids... JK, if you're looking it up it's all eyeshadow first, then eyeliner, then mascara. I'mma come out and say I do liner first, and third, and sometimes fifth, and seventh. Having hooded eyes it has always been a problem to make them pa-pop open, so I look at eyeliner as an architectural map to defining my eyes. I need a blueprint; a structure in which to create my eye couture around. This is the magic of beauty. Everything is a lie. A beautiful, beautiful lie wherein I look like I am actually awake instead of in a tired stupor. I may not ever be fully awake, but at least I can look the part.

So first you start with the outer corner of your eye. Pull the skin taut, and starting from said outer corner drag the tip the eyeliner diagonally up and out. Then starting with the end point of that line make another line back to your lash line in order to create a triangle. Fill the triangle, then trace your lid to the inner corner.

Voila! Perfect cat eye! No, not really. This shit is difficult, but not unmasterable. PRO TIPS: If your hands are unsteady don't be afraid to lock your elbow down on a table and get a little too friendly with the mirror. Also start with a small wing, and build it out from there. It's much easier to correct a smaller cat eye than the ginormous one you just drew on crooked. Line, line, line and reline. It doesn't have to come out perfect on the first swipe. Just keep at it. Keep a Q-tip on hand to correct any mistakes, though make sure to move slowly, and with purpose, otherwise your correction will be the biggest mistake you make. I generally just lick the Q-tip (or if I'm really natty and don't want to get up, the end of the closest eyeshadow brush), but if you don't want to be a germ farm, you can use makeup remover or concealer. I just find that the oils in the makeup remover run really easily causing your makeup to smear, and concealer is just adding more shit onto your face.

No. Three. Eyeshadow. Do your thang. In your colors. In your style. I'm boring in all shades of black, but occasionally if I'm feeling romantic I'll pull out some pinks and purples.

Paso Cuatro. See that eyeliner that has faded since you put eyeshadow over it? Fucking trace over it! This way you already have the perfect cat eye map! Any imperfections are covered/blurred by the eyeshadow, and now you can just line over your own hard work, making your eyeliner the star of your face.

FIN. Mascara.

Congratulations! You have now probably completed something that vaguly resembles a cat eye and are perhaps horrified that you read all of this rambling for what little results were actually gained, but... BUT remember, perfect takes practice, and your shit is just going to run anyway, cuz it's really humid in the jungle. Plus if you pounce fast enough your prey won't even have a chance to check out your liner game before you tear out their throat!

Cover Image Credit: We Know Your Dreams

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29 Stores That Will Just Give You Free Stuff On Your Birthday

All I want for my birthday is a bunch of free stuff!

October holds the record for having the fourth highest amount of birthdays! With so many people having October birthdays, like myself, I wanted to share with everyone 29 stores that will give you free stuff for your birthday! If you weren't born in October, don't worry, you'll still be able to get free stuff when your birthday rolls around!

1. Starbucks

Who doesn't love a good Starbucks drink? Sign up for Starbucks Rewards, and you can get a free drink on your birthday!

2. Ulta

Free beauty products? Yes, please! Get a free birthday gift and double points on purchases made during your birthday month by signing up for Ulta's Ultamate Rewards program!

3. Sephora

Want even more free make-up? Sign up for their Beauty Insider rewards program to get a free which you can redeem any time during your birthday month!

4. Baskin Robbins

You can get a free scoop of ice cream on your birthday when you join their Birthday Club!

5. Old Navy

Old Navy will give you a free birthday surprise just for signing up for their email newsletter!

6. Buffalo Wild Wings

Who wouldn't want some free B-Dubs? By joining the Buffalo Circle club, you can receive a free order of snack size wings on your birthday!

7. Benefit Cosmetics

Get a free brow arch when you visit a Benefit Browbar beauty lounge during the week of your birthday! You don't even need to be a member!

8. Chick-fil-a

Sign up for email insiders for a free birthday surprise!

9. World Market

You can get a free birthday surprise when you sign up for the World Market Explorers Rewards program!

10. Bare Minerals

Whaaaaat! More free make-up? Sign up for Friends and Benefits, or FAB, to get a free birthday gift!

11. Krispy Kreme

Join their E-Club to receive a free donut on your birthday!

12. Sonic

Receive a special birthday treat when you sign up for a My Sonic account!

13. Olive Garden

Sign up for their eClub and receive a free appetizer or dessert on your birthday!

14. Great American Cookies

Get a free birthday surprise when you join the Cookie Club!

15. Dippin' Dots

By signing up for the Dot Crazy! rewards program, you can receive a free cup on your birthday!

16. Panera

When you join MyPanera, you can receive a free birthday pastry!

17. Red Robin

Yuuuuum! Get a free birthday burger when you register for Red Robin Royalty program!

18. Waffle House

Members of the Waffle House Regulars club can get a free waffle on their birthday!

19. Texas Roadhouse

Get a birthday gift by signing up for their email club!

20. IHOP

By signing up for Pancake Revolution, you can receive a free meal on your birthday! That's right, an entire meal!

21. Cracker Barrel

Go to Cracker Barrel on your birthday and get a free dessert!

22. Ruby Tuesday

Get a free birthday burger by joining their email club!

23. Wingstop

Members of The Club can get a free order of seasoned fries on their birthday!

24. Denny's

Go to Denny's, show them you ID, and receive a free Grand Slam on your birthday!

25. Cinnabon

Get a special birthday gift by registering for Club Cinnabon!

26. Longhorn Steakhouse

Create a My Longhorn account to receive a free treat on your birthday!

27. Zaxby's

Sign up for Zax Mail and receive a free Nibbler on your birthday!

28. Hooters

By joining the Hooters E-Club, you can get a free birthday gift!

29. TGI Fridays

Members of Friday's Rewards Loyalty Program get a free dessert on their birthday!

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From The Recovering Shopaholic Tired Of Consumerism

I think I maybe have what, like eight dollars left in my account.


Let's face it, friends: my bank account has taken a beating. Hard. Real hard. Being a sorority girl has completely drained my debit card, from swaps to date parties to feeling pressured to never wear the same outfit twice on my Instagram. I think I maybe have what, like $8 left in my account.

Last week it was makeup. This week it's athleisure skirts, because God knows I'm not gonna hit the gym with this bronze-y glow I bought in a bottle. I spent all summer working my first job that didn't pay me under the table only to spend my entire paycheck at the same place. The whole concept of "treat yo self" isn't lost on me. I have a slight problem, and it's only made worse by the fact that all my favorite stores have apps that are conveniently downloaded onto my phone, so then everything I could ever want is just one click away.


As someone whose favorite holiday is Black Friday, you may be wondering why I am so tired of consumerism, besides my obvious bankruptcy situation. The fact of the matter is, I'm tired of constantly being berated by advertisements telling me I need all these new products. It seems like more than ever before, social media is becoming more and more just a string of advertisements, one after another. It's not just brands advertising anymore; it's influencers and friends and even those weird stranger girls that DM you on Instagram saying, "Hey gorgeous! You look poor and desperate! Would you like to make a small amount of money each month selling so-called "miracle" products you have to pay to even try out?"

And God, these products aren't even GOOD. Brands are so uncreative these days, they're not just copying each other (hello, Anastasia Beverly Hills and Maybelline); they're copying THEMSELVES. Tarte Cosmetics is literally releasing a holiday palette that is a copy of a palette they had in the summer. Too Faced Cosmetics thinks they can slap a happy face on a piece of fruit and all of a sudden it's "creative packaging."

I'm sorry, but the Annoying Orange already thought of that, what, like ten years ago? Don't even get me started on the unicorns and mermaids trend. As someone who is basically still a toddler, I absolutely love a good unicorn product. I have a unicorn lamp in my room. But I'm so tired of brands taking trends and running with them so much and for so long that the novelty wears off. Like if one brand does mermaids, maybe someone else should do fairies? Or trolls or gnomes or hobbits or something (I mean, who doesn't want to look like they guard a bridge?) People NEED to do their OWN thing. We love an original sister.

And then we have these influencers shoving these boring products down our throats like they're the next best thing since sliced bread. Like can they make it any more obvious that they have zero taste when they're trying to sell us ANOTHER red-toned eyeshadow palette? Been there, done that. Stop acting like it's new and cool because it's neither. It just makes it look like you're desperate for money. It may be your job, but you don't have to act like Schmeagle or whoever that character is from Lord of the Rings who freaks every time he finds money.

All in all, people need to stop pandering goods to us until they can actually think of a good reason why I should add another eyeshadow palette to my collection of forty. All my makeup is going to expire before I even have time to open half of these palettes, so I think it's time we all stop.

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