Some days are worse than others. You do not want to escape the covers and face the world because it seems too daunting a task. You have not slept in days because your racing thoughts keep you up… I am not good enough, they don’t really like me, I annoy everyone. You wish you could just shut your brain off. The thought of actually being a functioning human today makes you want to break down because you are just too drained.
Or maybe you are in full, uncontrollable panic. Your body is trembling and your throat is tight, you’re on the verge of tears because you just want to be normal. You are sick of explaining to everyone why you are so afraid of irrational things because you know you sound crazy no matter how hard you try. Your brain is wired differently, but no one understands.
“you need to control your thoughts”
“get over it”
“calm down”
believe me I wish I knew how, but it does not work that way.
Or maybe you just had your heart broken. You are facing a situational depression where you haven’t taken off his old sweatpants because you miss the way he feels, and you are wearing his tear stained t-shirt listening to the song that reminds you of the beginning of it all. Going anywhere today without a box of tissues in hand is just not practical. You know everyone will see you crying, but the pain is so deep you overlook it.
Maybe you’ve had a great past few weeks, but suddenly it hits and you are feeling lower than ever. You take it out on everyone because you wish you knew how to control your own emotions. Not being able to predict when you will be high or low scares the crap out of you, and you hate that it hurts everyone around you. You do not know how to cope so you stay up all night and need to sleep throughout the day. You can’t move.
Or you are having bad thoughts again...thoughts that you are better off alone or maybe even gone. At this point you don’t even have the will to help yourself. You let it dictate your entire life. You have bags under your eyes and you feel emotionless. This scares you, because some days you are so full of life and love, but at this moment you are empty. You have zero motivation to do anything that’s good for you because you just don’t even care about yourself at this point. You unfortunately don’t care about anything.
Mental illness comes in many different forms, but there is no denying that each one can completely control one’s life. It’s a scary thing to not have the ability to control your thoughts and feelings, and nobody believes you when you say that you try your best. Nobody gets the feeling of actually not being able to get out of bed because you cannot find the motivation deep within yourself. Nobody gets not wanting to face the world because you think everyone is staring at you and picking you apart flaw by flaw. Nobody understands what goes on in the mind of anybody else but themselves. That being said, why is it that a sore throat and cough can excuse me from class once in a while, but the excruciating pain that comes with any mental illness does not? I am not just a lazy cry baby, I am not just someone who worries too much. Mental illness is as valid, if not more valid of an excuse than physical sickness.
