Yes. You read that headline right. I am here to tell you about how anxiety can be a blessing. You see, I have spent years battling anxiety in my life and to be honest, it has only gotten worse with time. Entering college spiraled me into the worst period of my life and most days, my mental illness feels like a curse.

My anxiety often holds me back from things I would rather enjoy and makes every situation a fight or flight scenario. I am constantly battling with my mind and it is exhausting. In the midst of this, I began to question why God would allow me to struggle with such a problem. I had prayed and prayed for God to make the anxiety disappear, and He never did. I was starting to get angry.

It was at this point I had to stop and really think about how this "curse" that was put on my life could benefit me. I had spent years trying to dismiss and avoid it instead of facing up to it and using it to my advantage. As I felt further and further from God, my anxiety got worse and worse.

Recently, God began to reaveal to me how my fears and mental illness, could perhaps, lead me to a greater trust and relationship with Him. Maybe, my anxiety was put in my life to draw me in closer connection with God, as I am forced to rely on Him daily.

This thought gave me hope. I had spent so much time thinking that once I got my anxiety under control, then I could be in right relationship with God again. Instead, I should have been running to God in the first place as my only refuge from my mind.

I am often discouraged, feeling like my anxiety will never go away. Maybe it won't. I'm not trying to say that trusting God will make all your problems disappear, but maybe you can use your problems, to come closer to God. In the midst of chaos and stress in life, maybe our mental illness reminds us of our need for God's peace.

One of my favorite songs is "Even If" by MercyMe. The chorus goes:

"I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone"

I love this section because it reminds me that my anxiety is not too big for God. He has the power to rid me of it if He wanted to, but it must be for His purposes. In the midst of my pain, my hope is still in God, even when He doesn't do what I think He should or fix what I think He should fix. I pray for God to heal my mental illness, but even if He doesn't, my hope is still in Him.

Full disclosure, I do not believe that God takes pleasure in mental illness. He knows our pain and it saddens Him to see us in that state, however, nothing happens in the world outside of His plan, so I believe He can and does turn evil into good. In this way, He can turn the evils and pain of mental illness to His glory, therefore stopping evil in its tracks.

If this is His will, then what do I do? I trust Him. I trust that He knows what he's doing. I trust that He can give me the daily strength I need. I treat my illness as a blessing, allowing it to be my reminder to call on the Lord at all times. Maybe God didn't allow this into my life to punish me, but rather to bless me with a deeper relationship with Him.