Girl! Let me tell you, mental health is SO important. I have struggled with mental health for approximately four years now. Being in some unhealthy relationships, and then losing my Grandmother, really took a toll on me. I lost myself.
In my first relationship, (8 months long) I was 170 pounds, a size 12 pant and starved myself because I was afraid to eat in front of my boyfriend. The relationship ended and I cried for months! (My first heartbreak.)
A few months later I would find myself in a new relationship, that lasted about 3 years, it was great in the beginning, super unhealthy towards the end. I was cheated on several times, I was lied to repeatedly, I felt worthless, I felt as if I didn't belong here anymore. In this relationship, I gained so much weight, mainly from eating my emotions away. I went from a size 12 in the beginning to a size 18 in the end. I fought every battle and emotion ALONE. And that was NOT okay. I never told anyone what I was going through, I faked it in front of others, I was a complete mess inside. I would search his social media accounts daily, praying to god that I wouldn't find ANYTHING else, with each search my heart rate increased, my face got super hot, I was nauseated it was NOT healthy. I finally ended the relationship, it took a lot for me to do. To this day, I do not regret the relationship itself, because there was so many good times and things that came out of it. One of the best things that I grasped from that relationship was that I have completely lost myself, and I need to find myself again!
I ended up falling in love with my very bestfriend from 8th Grade. He has had a severe crush on me for 6 solid years and in high school would always bring me food, flowers and smoothies, trying to win my heart. I was rude, he kept asking me when we would be able to be together and all I kept saying was "soon" but it ended up being 6 whole years until we actually got together, and boy do I wish it would've happened sooner. But, everything happens for a reason, right? We have been together a whole year this month (March), I have learned SO much from him. He is supportive of me, he cares for me, he loves me, he is loyal, he is just a complete blessing!
While in this relationship, I have learned to find myself again, I take the time to wash my face, shower, brush my teeth, eat healthier, dress nicer, put makeup on, actually brush my hair, things I failed at in previous relationships. I am thankful everyday that he never fails to tell me I'm beautiful and never ever makes me feel worthless.
When people say you can't find yourself while being in a relationship, they are SO wrong.
Now where I'm actually headed with this is, SELF CARE!
Ladies, this is important!!
I use to never go to the spa without my bestie because I hated being alone, when she was busy I would not do anything for myself, I always wanted her by myself for self care, I realized that was crazy and I needed to be more independent.
So, sToP feeling guilty about getting that mani-pedi, you will get payed again!
Treat yourself to a facial, treat yourself to a massage or maybe even a bath, do something for yourself! Even if it's a struggle to get out of bed each morning, think about something to look forward to as you're laying in bed, dreading college or work. Make a plan, use a calendar, organize yourself. Pick yourself up! Treat yourself to ice cream!
I know some of you ladies "don't have time" but MAKE TIME, if I can do it, you can too! I am a full time college student, a full time hospital employee and I make time!
It IS okay to get help, to SPEAK UP, to EXPRESS YOURSELF!
You deserve it, stop guilting yourself into depriving yourself of self care!
Xoxo, Gracyn
