Dear Feminists,

If you could put down your uterus hats for one moment and try to control your womanly emotions, we-- the oppressed white men of the world-- have a message for you.

First, I would also like to ask you-- millions of women around the world-- what gave you the right to protest after such a momentous day for America, and consequently the world? The inauguration of our greatest president since the man Ronald Reagan should have been a triumphant occasion for all red-blooded Americans. President Donald Trump is going to grab America back one nasty woman at a time, and I am confident that Vice President Mike Pence will protect those innocent fetuses from your feminist wrath.

Now, before you all start screaming the definition of Feminism at me and carrying on about equality, let me remind you of one thing: according to the Declaration of Independence “all MEN are created equal.” The facts speak for themselves. Women and men are fundamentally different and therefore destined for distinct roles in society; women belong in the home and men belong in the workplace--a point even our great Vice President supports.

You keep demanding equal pay for equal work, but I have two questions for you. One, have you ever heard of the Equal Pay Act of 1963? This act basically solved sexism in the workplace just like the Emancipation Proclamation ended racism. Two, did you ever consider that maybe you are not receiving equal pay because you are not contributing equal work? Just because you are an incompetent employee (who really should not even be in the workplace to begin with) does not mean that my pay should suffer to help you get ahead.

Feminists, we will not tolerate your discrimination against us any longer. You cannot blame all the countries’ problems on straight, white, Christian men. So what if we are the prominent group responsible for governing this country? Please keep us out of your petty problems (We do not want to pay for your birth control. Honestly, it’s a disgusting embarrassment to this great nation).

So finally, I call upon my fellow Meninists to take up the fight against the oppressive feminists sure to commit menacide if we do not act quickly. As Trump has proclaimed, we must make America Great Again! Let’s bring America back to a time before Roe v Wade; a time before the 19th Amendment. You know, the good old days.

Remember the motto #Meninists: A woman in every kitchen, and a politician in every uterus!