To The Men Who Broke My Heart, Thank You

To The Men Who Broke My Heart, Thank You

You were right - it wasn't me, but it also wasn't you.

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To my ex,

I'm stronger now, because of you. I understand now that I loved you too much. It's not that you didn't deserve it, but my love for you often times got in the way of the truth. The truth that you had flaws. That you weren't certain about us. That you and I were never meant to be.

At the time, the break up destroyed me. I would often blame myself, despite you reassuring me that I had been a great girlfriend. I'd break down when I learned you were dating someone new. My self-esteem would hit rock bottom and I would question what it was about me that wasn't good enough for you. It sometimes drove me to the point of insanity. I'd find myself checking your social media or reminiscing over old photographs of us together.

It took a long time, but I finally realized that you were right all along. I was a great girlfriend, I just wasn't right for you. And now that I've moved on, I see that you weren't right for me either. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot to love about you. The qualities I fell in love with back then are still there, but so are the ones I ignored during our time together. Regardless of what I felt for you at the time, we simply weren't compatible in the long run. If you hadn't broken up with me then, we would have become unhappy forcing a love that wasn't meant to last.

Looking back on our relationship, I know I wasn't truly myself. In my blind love, I became who I thought you wanted me to be. The values that mattered to me didn't seem to matter as much once I realized yours were different. The deeper I fell in love with you, the more I began to lose myself to the relationship. It wasn't healthy for me to essentially give myself up in order to keep you happy, and I think you knew that all along.

Regardless, I am still very grateful for you. The experience we shared allowed me to set new standards for love. I know now what I need in a partner and the values we must share. You realized that I deserved better before I did. That doesn't mean you're not a great person, just that you weren't able to reciprocate the love I gave to you. And that's OK.

Since our time together, I found someone who is able to give me what I need in a relationship. Someone who convinced me that they love me as I am, who makes me feel like I don't need to sacrifice any part of myself or my values in order to share intimacy. Someone who loves just hard as I do and respects the journey I took with you that inevitably lead me to him.

So even though it nearly killed me at the time, thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for keeping your promise to me that it was for the best. Thank you for remaining my friend, and for proving to me that we're both happier this way.

Sincerely,

Your ex

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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I've Had Feelings For My Best Friend For Years, And I'm Still Not Ready To Address Them

I'm not sure he even has the slightest idea, even friendship wise, how important he is to me.

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A lot of times when people say they have a "secret," what they really mean is they've only told a few, strategically selected close people in their lives.

What I mean by secret is, I've only told my closest friends about these unsettled feelings I've had for four years, for the first time this past week.

When you tell someone your feelings, especially if it's someone that has no idea, and plays a crucial part in your everyday life. Someone who has seen you bawl your eyes out in agony, cry tears of joy, and just overall knows way more about you than anybody should, it is definitely important to weigh the odds.

Odds are, it won't work out.

Odds are, they don't feel the same.

Odds are, you lose one of the most important people in your life and you'll never be able to rekindle the connection in the same way again, and that just fucking sucks.

There's a lot of reasons why I haven't revealed my feelings to him. The biggest reason is that just because I like someone doesn't mean I want to be with them. I've let go of some of the best connections I've ever had because I knew I couldn't deliver the type of love and attention they truly deserved. And in this case, I just don't feel like I could ever be as great of a lover to him, as he could potentially be to me. I don't think he wouldn't feel the same, I just don't think it can ever work out, at least not at this moment.

And I'll tell you why.

We're both growing and just starting to be the people who we always wanted to be. We're both creators, artists, in different crafts. He inspires me now more than he ever has in our friendship. He has become my confidant and holds such a high value in my life. I'm not sure he even has the slightest idea, even friendship wise, how important he is to me. I don't think that when we're diving into exploring who we are, that a romantic connection will help either of our growths. And for the both of us, I want to be selfish and put ourselves before whatever connection could ever grow from this in the future or not.

We're both dating. Not to mention, know a lot of details about each other's dating lives and history. And there are some things both of has said about our dating lives that makes it impossible for us to ever work currently. For example, traveling is something that has always been important to me. I love connecting with people I wouldn't otherwise meet unless I was at the right time and the right place, and he is currently having this same realization. The realization that someone local probably isn't going to cut it for us. And if I told you how local he lived, he would know, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. So, I'll tell you this: the proximity between us is closer than the word local.

And lastly, we're both not ready to settle down. I just can't picture us playing house and pretending like we are totally OK with being with each other for the rest of our lives, like tomorrow. I know that telling my best friend about my feelings doesn't mean I have to marry them, but the truth is, I see him being in my life for years to come, whether he's waiting for me at the end of the aisle, or in the front row crying because he's so happy I found that type of bond with another human.

Even though I get a little cringed when I hear him talk about that girl he fucked on vacation, and even though every part of me melts when I hear him say how important I am to them, I just don't think now is the right time. And even if he reads this, and knows the truth, I'll still not be ready to do anything about these unsettled feelings. So until then, if you're reading this I want you to know a couple of things I never say enough:

Your warmth has always inspired me.

You never let me sit and dwell on the negative and I couldn't thank you enough for that.

Your confidence to do whatever you want, makes me want it for myself too.

Your guidance, long talks for hours, and laughs in between both of our tears will always have a permanent home in my heart, and influence on who I am.

You are the sweetest, kindest person I have ever come across, without even trying.

You live so authentically and honestly, I am forever thankful I even get to call you one of my closest friends.

And even though there are tears in my eyes as I finish writing this, know that I'll always love you no matter what role you fill in my life.

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