We all go through life losing loved ones; it's something we can't control. Sometimes, we see it coming; other times, it's completely sudden. Those sudden ones hit harder than the rest. When you see death coming, you prepare to say goodbye, prepare yourself for what's to come. You may not know the exact day it will happen, but you have an idea. When it's sudden, you don't know how to feel. You're not prepared, you're not ready to let go, you're not ready to let yourself feel happy over them being in a better place.
People always write "so and so would want you to be happy and celebrate this time; not sit home and cry." But, how can you be happy and celebrate when you've just lost someone so close to you?
I've thought about this a lot. And yes, of course you want to cry and lay in bed for a few days. You'll probably block out the world and think you can't feel anything and you may never feel happy again. But, you can.
Over the last 6 years, I would need more than 2 hands to count the amount of people I have lost close to me. More than 2 hands. After a certain amount of time, you learn that you can't stay upset over every loss you have. It is possible to celebrate their lives and move on. With that being said, I'm not saying that you shouldn't grieve. Of course, grieving is part of the process to heal and overcome the loss, but being able to look back and think of the happier times you've had with this person instead of sitting there in a room, alone, crying over what isn't there, is a much better way to go about things.
We cannot always dwell on what's gone, but rather what is still there. No matter who you lost, this person left you with something. Some type of memory, some type of funny story, some type of physical item. They never leave you empty handed.
When I asked my mom what she would want when that time comes for her, she told me that she doesn't want my sister or I to spend money on a funeral. She would rather us take that money to a bar and have everyone tell stories in memory of her. I always thought this was a funny idea, but it's actually one of the best idea's she's had, and I have to admit she's had many. She doesn't want anyone crying over her or hating to live another day without her; she wants to be celebrated and remembered for the good times she's had with each and every person.
I'm reminded every day by the people I have lost that life is too short, and you don't want to spend that time crying over things that aren't there anymore. Tell everyone you love them, enjoy the moments you live, celebrate the lives that are no longer in your physically presence because they are still there; even if you can't see them.
