Yes, mental illnesses are a thing.

At 16 I was diagnosed by a doctor with depression and went through a few years of experimenting with different pills that were supposed to make me "feel better".

Depression runs through the women of my family, and for that we pay the price of being overly critical of ourselves, low-self confidence, and built in guilt. Though it may seem these are just traits of most women, they seem to be heightened a little bit when you are depressed.

In 2013 I decided on a whim to move one thousand miles away from my family to go to college. While many things happened to contribute to the incident, I had a moment of extreme weakness. I tried to take my life. I was in the hospital for a day or so and almost killed my mother with worry. After that moment I knew that I had to change who I was. I had to figure out who I want to be and never stop working toward it.

One major step I took for myself was to become less dependent on things. In the winter of 2014 I stopped taking my medicine. If you want to know the effects of Lexapro, go listen to Kanye West's new album. I will admit that I was absolutely terrified about how my mind would work after I stopped taking my medication. What will I think? Will I feel more defeated than I already do? Will I feel more anxious than I already am?

There is no secret to living off of your medication. I realized that you have to take each day as it comes. You actually have to do that. I still have trouble with self-confidence and feeling guilty when I shouldn't. I have a tendency to let myself get walked on rather than let others fail. Each person reacts differently to the change, but you have to want it for yourself. I still have awful days, I still have times where I want to quit and do nothing or where I feel so sad and defeated that I don't want to move from my bed. But then I realize that had I been successful years ago, life for my friends and family would not be the same. I wouldn't have made the decision to teach, I wouldn't have my great friends that I have now, and I wouldn't be able to love my family as much as I do now.

I guess if I were to give any advice to anyone with depression is that you can't let it defeat you. You can never stop fighting against it. When you stop fighting to be you, it wins. When it wins you are your worst you. No one wants you to be your worst. Medication or not, every day is a different battle and there is someone in this world that needs you here. You are needed.