Just Because I Take Medication Doesn't Mean I'm Crazy

Just Because I Take Medication Doesn't Mean I'm Crazy

You may not need to take them, but that doesn't make all of those who do crazy.

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Over the years, the amount of people taking prescribed medications has continuously increased. Especially when it comes down to the medications that help with mental illnesses such as depression and/or anxiety. For some reason though, while most people understand this, some people view those who have to take medications as crazy. There are multiple reasons that they may think this, but in no way does that mean it's right to think such a thing, and in no way does it mean that it's true.

Thankfully, most people don't have to experience getting called crazy for such ridiculous reasons. Yes, those who take medications are often suffering from mental health issues, but that isn't the same thing as crazy. Many people tend to define crazy as when someone acts very differently from others, or "weird". Sometimes even violent when considering the extreme cases. Overall, when someone is called crazy, they are being called insane.

People who do take medication for problems such as depression and anxiety are often second-guessing and criticizing themselves, and depending on the person, the medications can have a large effect on how they feel/act. In fact, they tend to be their own worst criticizers. So, if they're called crazy or anything similar to it, it's possible they will take it to heart.

After all of this, unless it's in a joking manner and the person you are calling it knows you aren't serious, try not to call people crazy when they're not. It can hurt someone emotionally when they hear something like that. A believe a good way to think about it is that it isn't medications that define who a person is, but rather it is their actions. So, please keep this in mind so you may rethink calling someone something they're not.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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The Issue With Disability Representation In The Media

Not all things that are seen are to be believed.

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We've seen tons of films and television shows with characters with various physical and mental conditions, especially in recent years. Shaun Murphy in "The Good Doctor," who has autism, is a good example. Or, how about Eddie Redmayne, who earned a 2015 academy award for portraying Stephen Hawking in "The Theory of Everything," or Jacob Tremblay as a child with a facial deformity in "Wonder."

Look at that representation, there's nothing that needs to be changed!

Or is there?

The three actors I mentioned in that opening paragraph have two things in common. First, they portrayed a character with some form of disability. Second, they don't actually have the condition themselves. Can you see this picture I'm painting for you? Disabilities are being represented in the media, but people with disabilities are not.

A study in 2016 found that of the 2% of characters on television with some sort of physical or mental disability, 95% are being portrayed by abled actors. There is nothing worse than false representation, and this is the exact definition. And since the study also found that 20% of the American population has some sort of disability, way more than the 2% currently being represented on television, why don't we cast actual disabled actors for these parts to even out the ratio?

There are a ton of actors with disabilities, all of whom I'm sure would be more than willing to take part in acting… you know, since they are actors. Ability is not even a question, and if it is, it would be adding to the stigma that those with disabilities are less than human. The best thing is, these actors truly know what it's like to have the disability that they are portraying, unlike someone who will never know what it's like, no matter how much they try.

But isn't acting about being someone you're not? Why aren't doctors on T.V. played by real doctors, then?

They aren't being played by real doctors because real doctors are real doctors. They have a career… they aren't actors. Disability is something that, more often than not, is a piece of their identity, like someone's race or gender. There's a reason why blackface is wrong, but why isn't the same thing being said about disability?

What about marketability?

The media has become an industry that focuses more and more on the profit their film or T.V. show makes, and less and less the art that is being produced. But, if marketability is an important factor, how about creating a marketing campaign based on the fact that an actor with a disability is actually playing the part? Or putting a big-named actor into a supporting role (as long as they're not playing a "savior" part).

There is so much more that needs to be changed regarding how the media portrays people with disabilities, the topic of this article being a tiny aspect of this "representation." And this doesn't just happen with films and television shows dealing with disability, but with the lack of gay or transgender people actually being played by gay and transgender actors, or white actors being shoehorned into films or television shows about people of color.

There's a lot to do, but there's a way to get there… you must simply implement the change.

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