One piece of marriage advice that I will never give to anyone is a phrase that is fairly common. It is used as a humorous piece of advice...seems pretty harmless, but I still don't like it very much.
"Isaac, practice saying, 'Yes, dear'."
While I have no negative feelings toward those who gave us this advice, I don't ever plan on repeating it to another couple. The first reason for this is that Isaac didn't need to learn how to say, "yes, dear." Do you know why? Because Isaac is the one who is right probably 88 percent of the time! (Yes, I think I deserve 12 percent credit. He may disagree, but he can write his own article if he wishes to voice his objections.) But seriously, my husband is wise. He is a strong, smart leader for our marriage and his opinion means a lot to me. I would never expect Isaac to give up his ideas or opinions just to hear him say, "yes, dear." He thinks things through, has great intuition and corrects me when I am being driven by feelings instead of logic.
Another reason that I will never give that advice to another couple is that I disagree with the bumbling husband trend that is currently growing in America. If you turn on the television, you will most likely see at least one unintelligent, irresponsible, disappointing husband with a wife who is leading the family. The woman becomes the "bad guy" who always spoils the fun and the man becomes the jester who always lets his wife down.
I know that is the reality in many relationships, but I don't ever want to encourage it when speaking to an engaged couple. No television show challenges men to stand up and lead their wives, so maybe that's what we should offer as advice.
We shouldn't waste a chance to speak truth into other's lives when they give us an opportunity to do so. Don't make a joke when you could be making a difference in someone's marriage.
Instead, I would give advice like this:
1. Don't focus on fixing the flaws of your spouse, focus on fixing the flaws in yourself.
2. Never stop saying "I love you."
3. Make friends with other married couples who will walk alongside you and encourage your marriage.
4. Never stop laughing together.
5. View your spouse as your partner, not your enemy.
6. Practice surprising one another with gifts, notes and kisses.
7. Remember that love is a choice (especially when the honeymoon stage wears off).
8. Pray for your spouse daily.
9. Never stop pursuing one another.
10. Don't belittle each other. In public or in private. Build each other up and never expect the other person to say, "yes dear."
