I was born and raised in California. I lived in the same house since I was six months old and went to school with the same people throughout elementary, junior high, and high school. When it was time for me to choose a college, I was desperate for a change. Although I am grateful for the experiences my hometown provided me, I knew that I wanted to explore the world and get out of California. So, at the ripe age of 17, I packed my life up (okay, 3 suitcases) and moved to New Jersey to go to college and play volleyball.
During my first semester, I would describe myself as the world's hottest mess. I cried everyday because I missed my family, friends, dog, bed, EVERYTHING. I begged my parents to come home and transfer to a school closer to home. After talking about it with each other, they said no. At that moment, I knew I had two choices. Either continue to be miserable, or make a change. So I made that change and finished out my first year successfully.
Then it was time for summer. I couldn't get on the plane fast enough so I could see my family, friends, dog, bed, etc. After about a month of what I called "the honeymoon phase" of coming home, I started to miss school. I was shocked and confused about how I could miss a place that made me the world's hottest mess. What I realized was that I had created a life in New Jersey in addition to my life in California. I had my teammates, friends, and now a boyfriend all in New Jersey. How was I going to manage basically a double life in two opposite parts of the country?
I started by being present. When I was at school, I was at school. I focused on what I had to accomplish and the positives that came with being at school. One main positive I focused (and still focus) on was enjoying my freedom. Since I was away from home, I didn't really have the restrictions that I had at home. I didn't go crazy (despite what you may think, Mom) but I enjoyed my college life. When I was at home, I was at home. I made sure to catch up on what I missed out on with family and friends. In addition to that, I was able to have home-cooked meals and not have to fight over my favorite shower in the dorms (that shower head had the best water pressure!!!)
Next, whenever I missed either California or New Jersey, I would do a little something that reminded me of the place. Dunkin Donuts is a huge deal on the east coast and it was something I grew to love. So, I located the closest Dunkin to me, which was 20 minutes away, and went there when I was really missing it while in California. When in New Jersey, I often miss the beaches from home. So I make sure to have plenty of pictures of the beach that I took on my laptop and phone to easily access and remember what it's like to be at the beach with the smell of salt and the sand between your toes. Although it sounds small, these are the things that really help me when I'm missing either place.
As far as managing my relationships with people, that is the easy part. It takes 30 seconds to send a text to a friend, family member, or significant other telling them that you miss them and are thinking about them. It shows you haven't forgotten about the person and that you still care, even though you can't physically be there. You can get even more creative and schedule specific times to FaceTime or Skype your friends, family, or significant other. This extra step proves that you are willing to maintain relationships while you are away so you can pick up where you left off when you get back.
Ultimately, leaving home was a hard decision for me and I wanted to quit and go back many times. Even though I was furious with my parents at the time, I am now glad that they made me stick it out and get through it. Managing two parts of your life can be hard, but all it takes is a little extra effort. Being bicoastal has been a great experience for me so far, and I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me.
