Have you ever heard someone say "man up" in a way that kind of rubbed you the wrong way? This phrase, said to men, women, and children of all backgrounds, doesn't get nearly as much heat as it should. Here are five things that are probably meant when someone says "man up."
1. Don't Act Like A Woman
We all know this is where it was going. The phrase "man up" is so often intended as "stop acting like a woman." Don't cry, because have feelings is girly. Men don't show emotion because showing emotion is a sign of weakness and being weak is associated with femininity. I'll rant further about how this is problematic to, you know, men, but for now please allow me to say that this is so unfair to women. "Man up" because your alternative is womanhood and that is lesser. Barf.
2. Be Aggressive
"Man up, don't let them talk to you that way."
"C'mon, you've got to take what you want, man up."
I am in no way saying that ambition is problematic (until it is) but ambition is not unique to men. Not to mention, ambition and aggression are not the same thing. Telling the 14-year-old boy to "man up" and fight to get his way because if he was manly enough he would obviously be entitled to his desires is not going to help him be humble or kind or forgiving.
3. Men Don't Cry
Have you ever heard two little boys (or honestly little girls too because evidently even small girls should aspire to be men) be told to "man up" and stop crying? So often in history, men have dictated what constitutes weakness, ascribed it to women, and then made every effort possible to separate themselves from it; vulnerability being a huge part of that. This is terrible for men and boys of all ages who experience very real emotion, yet are told they must be manly, and it order to do so, they must bury their emotions. Not to mention, when women are told the only way to thrive is to be masculine, our culture has started to idolize heartlessness.
4. Men Have No Weakness
No, but actually. Let's not just tell men they aren't allowed to tear up when they're sad or angry or hurt. Apparently men are not allowed to show any weakness at all. It is extremely harmful to men to grow up being told they can not have a weakness, or else they are not manly enough for society - men must always be on top of their game, they must be aggressive and pushy and in control. When men fail, it seems to be so much worse, because they have been told their entire life they are expected to be the breadwinners and the focal point.
5. Maintain the Patriarchy
Okay, I know that was very blunt, and I also understand that very rarely do men truly think "hey, how can I further bolster the patriarchy today." Often, it's simply a result of passivity as allowed by the privilege of being the top of the hierarchy. Truly, "man up?" Why must people "man up" if not to perpetuate the outdated definitions of masculinity? Be genuine, be human, be vulnerable, be kind, be ambitious, be humble, be. But "man up?" Is that phrase really necessary anymore?
I vote no.
