So, for the past two weeks I have been active on Tinder with the purpose of making friends. I'm not sure why I decided to do this, I just figured it would be a funny experiment. Anyone who had "looking for friends" as a bio I liked on Tinder. Every time I matched with someone, I'd have a normal conversation and then randomly say, "we should be friends, you're chill." Out of 38 matches, only three agreed to be friends. So, I decided to dedicate this article to the top 10 messages I received when I asked to be friends.
1. Friends like you'll still lick whip cream off of me? ;)
No, sir, I will not. I'm highly lactose-intolerant.
2. My girlfriend doesn't like me having female friends, but I'm down for a good time with you.
WHY ARE YOU TINDER IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
3. I'd rather have you get on your knees.
Excuse me, the only time I get on my knees is when I pray.
4. No I'm not looking for friends, who looks for friends on Tinder? I'm looking for some dirty fun and you look like the girl for me ;)
You should probably change your bio.
5. You mean friends with benefits? ;)
Um, no, did I stutter?
6. Why don't we bang?
The only banging I do is when I hit my knee off the coffee table.
7. I prefer to be more than that. You're too hot to be friends.
Well, isn't that too bad?
8. I just wanted a hand job.
I give good handshakes.
9. We can get tangled up.
Do you mean playing Twister?
10. I think you're cool and I'll never ask for nudes, but I would like pictures of your feet every night. If you agree, I think we can be good friends.
I don't even know what to say.
So, even though this is a humorous article and that was the purpose of it, but it also goes to show how stupid these "dating" (aka hookup) apps really are. Don't expect a prince charming or princess on here, considering I can't even make friends.
If you're feeling lonely, don't turn to Tinder or other apps for comfort–strangers who use GPS technology to bang other strangers are always temporary. Pet more dogs, eat more McChickens, and love the ones around you.
