My friends and I had a conversation in the weeks before we all left school and a question about unrealistic dreams arose. There were people in our lives who wanted something more than what they were and their parents said, “That’s a stupid dream so choose something else practical.” In my American mind, the reaction is an immediate, “Hey! That’s not fair! Who are you to tell me what is stupid?” However, are there not stupid dreams? If I was allowed to be an ethical egoist, doing whatever I wanted when I wanted, my stupid dream would be sitting in front of a camera and playing games for 100k a year. That’s not going to happen for me and many people will not experience their dreams. So, as a parent, as someone pursuing dreams, how do you sift between wise and foolish choices, dreams, lifestyles, or do anything well at all? My father and mother always spoke an adage into my life that I have carried with me: when you say “yes” to something, you say “no” to something else.
Dating is a really weird concept. Out of the blue you look at someone and think, “Yeah, being with this person for an extended period of time while dealing with their terrible and good qualities sounds like a nice time. Let’s sit and watch crappy movies together.” When a person is asked out their answer is normally the inverse of what it now will be to everyone else unless you two break up or they are a “psycho” you waste all your drunk musings on for months after they break your heart one month into a façade they titled “relationship” because they have no concept of fidelity.
This is a real picture. I'm gagging.
So the question for parents who are advising their children or people making these choices is this: what is your goal for them? Often the answer orbits financial security and an average life of suburbia and taking the boat out on the weekends. Nothing wrong with that! But is that all there is? Certainly not. What one must consider are the numerous options available as this life continues.
Boats are super cool. I will never forget the crazy tubing adventures my childhood friend Sam and I went on because his parents owned a boat. They had some crazy cool aspects of their life. It was normal on most fronts. Soccer on Saturdays, church on Sundays and Wednesdays, video games galore, Legos on Legos on Legos, airsoft, and plenty of other things generally found in a life of normal people. They also owned goats and chickens, fired off potato cannons, adopted children, bought go carts, and other things that the average family might not do. Neither of these are value statements. My value statement is that I loved all the things I mentioned. Boats and goats are both sweet for different reasons.
Why not both?
Everyone has their own weird quirks and desires. Some people will view their job as a means to do something else. They might work in technology so they can experience nature and rock climb regularly. Someone else might run an advertising firm because they love the challenge of winning people over. I am not here to talk about the value of those. Life is about much more than a job or a hobby, life’s focus should always revolve around improving the world and changing it for the better. A person who runs a fulltime drama club will inherently earn less than a chemist working for a lab fulltime. Finances are not the measure of success or value and a person’s life achievements may not be quantifiable in dollar amounts.
Lately people have been complaining about “major shaming.” Their complaints can be summarized in that they are mocked for their endeavors or laughed at because people do not understand the value of their majors. So they write article after article to say they are just as valuable or write those awful “open letters” that bring to mind this image:
Grow up. People are mean.
As a first note: people are mean. They will make fun of you for your hair, clothes, family, friends, tastes, enjoyments, or even horrific things that happen to you. Deal with it. I am not justifying them or defending them but to pretend that writing an article about how oppressed you are because "people hurt my feelings" will somehow problem solve all of this away is a stupid solution. Take on justification in an entirely different light. Don't try the tired defense of how you can justify anything because you feel a certain way.
There are so many different majors that I cannot even begin to assess them all. One must assess what a major is for, and why one even attends college. Recently a friend told me about someone who was in over $100,000 in debt because they went back to school for a different major. Was this a wise choice? I’m not sure, but I look to a couple scenes from Hollywood for examples of underlying philosophies. One of my favorite scenes on the subject is in "Good Will Hunting" when Will confronts the snobby student in the bar who thinks his degree makes him so much better than anyone else. The degree or education was only worthwhile because of what could be done with it. In "Arrested Development," Buster Bluth attains an 18th Century Cartography degree and the joke is about how useless it is. Neither of the characters were saying that the information itself was inherently bad or stupid but the cost of such education must be accounted for. Does a Communications degree fit into your dream and help you attain relationships or certifications for the future you wish to accomplish? Does a Women’s Studies degree? Chemistry? History? Math? Computer science? Business? The answer does not lie within the title or the immediate answer but rather the heart of what people want out of life.
What does saying “yes” to these majors mean for the rest of one’s life? Is the knowledge alone satisfactory or will the need for a job and contribution to society overtake such a value? There is a lot riding on many of these decisions and the value of these degrees is highly subjective. Merely knowing a lot about the history of African countries does not qualify a person to intervene there in the same way knowing chemistry does not justify conducting high level experiments for a company. These ideas cannot be isolated. It is not about the degree, it is about what someone wants to accomplish. If a person’s degree is “Gum and Candy Studies” you had better believe I will think that is the stupidest degree I have ever heard of. No, not every degree is “great” just because you paid money to get it. A degree does not define your choice but it may heavily affect your goals. If you want that, you may be saying “yes” to the information but “no” to financial stability. Please stop pretending everyone’s choices are all wise and that everything has the same kind of value. It is a lie and this pitiful alleviation of self-guilt will result in bitter frustration. Life does not come with a “How To” guide, but it certainly comes with plenty of experienced people to guide you on your way. Seek wisdom and carefully choose the next steps and, then, follow your dreams.
