Everyone tends to get in a lull from time to time. A lot of the time, you can't figure out what it's from. Relationships? Career? School? Friends? Even family? Trying to figure out what it is that has you so dissatisfied can drive you almost insane. You begin wondering if your relationship is the problem, or if your job isn't giving you what you need, if you're striving in school like you should be, if your friends still even like you, or wondering if you're making enough time for your family. These are just a few examples of what your brain conjures up, like mine.

I've spent the past few days wondering what it was that had me in such a weird funk. I was convinced that it was my relationship. That the bump in the road we had hit in just the past week has caused us a lot more damage than I realized. I let my mind come up with all these reasons that I wasn't happy, even if they didn't make sense. That's when I had a sit down conversation with my mom - tears in all, because I cry at everything, and that's when she laid down the hard truth.

The problem is me.

I had tried so hard to come up with a real, reasonable idea as to why I was so unhappy, and none of the reasons had anything to do with it. And that's when my mom let me know that the issue was me. You see, 2 years ago, I had many aspirations in life. I wanted to go away to Central Michigan University for law school, I wanted to live in New York, and own my own law firm. Yes, these dreams are almost unreal, but they were dreams I once had. And one day, I decided I wasn't ready to go away to school. From the day I made that decision is when everything in my life became almost blurry. I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, I soon after lost my best friend that I was supposed to dorm with, and it almost seemed like everything went down hill. My anxiety and depression was at an all time high, and I just didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fast forward to my 2nd semester of freshman year at a community college, with a part time job at a bar, with nothing much to do. In the beginning of 2018 is when I decided I was going to change my life. I lost 30-40 pounds, I met my now-boyfriend, whom I am very happy with, I got a full time job, and everything seemed perfect.

I am now 7 months into my relationship, I'm in my 2nd year of college, and yet something is still holding me back from complete and total happiness. And what's holding me back is me.

I have no idea what I want to go to school for. I'm working full time at a bakery, which sounds amazing, but it's not what I want to do. I began to grow jealous of my boyfriend because he found a full time job that allows him to gain a lot of knowledge, and allows him almost infinite opportunities to move up. The past few days, I let my jealousy and dissatisfaction with my personal self influence my relationship. I let it convince me that I wasn't happy. But the problem is not my relationship, the problem is that I have no idea what I want to do with my life while it seems like everyone else, even the ones closest to me, have it all figured out.

It's hard coming to terms with the idea that your unhappiness is purely because of you. You don't want to believe that you're your own worst enemy, that you're the little voice inside your head, that you're the toxic one in your life.

This is when I decided that I was going to make a change in my life. I signed up for The Odyssey, wrote my first post, which is this one, and let my creative juices flow.

I am also in the process of taking career quizzes to at least help me jumpstart the process of deciding what I want to do with my life. I'm going to start reading self help books, maybe meditating, at least taking 2 baths a week with my favorite lavender essential oil to help me calm my senses, and instead of being my own worst enemy, I'm going to become my own biggest supporter.

This post was not to explain my life, but it was to give small explanation of what I'm going through, in hopes that it will help someone else if they feel that they're going through the same thing. It's a long list of the steps I had to go through to realize that I was the issue, not everyone else.

So, if you're feeling unfulfilled with something in your life and you can't figure out what it is, do me a favor... stay away from google and articles about what people think it may be. All that will do is stray you away from what the real problem is. You might need to cry a few times in order to figure out what it is, but I can say that it will come to you eventually.

If I can leave you with anything, let it be this. You are the one in control of your happiness. You are the one who has to figure out what it is, you can't allow everyone else to do it for you. The world is not going to end, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The light may be the size of a seed, but eventually you'll get close enough to where it's the size of the sun, and all you can feel is happiness,