If my anxiety has changed or ruined our friendship, I'm sorry...

Often times anxiety is a debilitating thing. It can make even the smallest everyday things seem as though they are difficult tasks. Doing simple things like going to the mall or out to eat can feel impossible.

Throughout my life, I've missed out on many different things simply because my anxiety made it impossible. I've missed school trips, dances, sleepovers, ect., because of what seemed to everyone else to be for "no reason."

But anxiety IS a reason... A big one actually.

The biggest issue my anxiety causes me is maintaining friendships. When my anxiety causes me to decline invitations, people just assume I'm just being a bad friend and blowing them off. But that's not the case. I don't purposefully distance myself from others, but I can't help it when nearly every invitation comes with anxiety. I can't just go to a party with people I don't know or go hang out with people I'm not comfortable with. For so many people, that's no big deal, but when my anxiety is bad, that's a huge deal.

Anxiety feels like a cage. No matter how bad I was to get out, I just can't... Anyone who truly deals with serious anxiety can tell you that it's not something you can just "get over" and you can't just "not think about it." No matter how badly you want to do something, if anxiety comes around, it's more than likely just not going to happen.

I WANT to go to that party and I WANT to go hang out with all my friends, but my anxiety floods my head with 'but's and 'what if's.

So I'm sorry if you feel like I'm "blowing you off" a lot of the time... It isn't ME, it's my anxiety.