It’s getting to that time of year again when people look around and see what they’re thankful for. While looking, they see what they don’t have (and usually get jealous). I don’t mean presents or money. I mean that special someone to spend the holidays with. Someone you can snuggle with by the fire. Someone you can walk hand-in-hand with under Christmas lights. Someone you can share the new year with. Someone you can bring home to your parents and say, “See, someone does finds me attractive.” The holiday season doesn’t end after New Year’s. A month-and-a-half afterwards is Valentine’s Day, and if you want a good one, you have to be dating this person for a while or it’s weird.
People want someone so badly. People feel they’re so lonely. People want to be loved and liked. And I have advice for you: you want a relationship, go get one.
Now, I understand that seems impossible or difficult. It isn’t. There are so many other lonely people. Find them. They gather together around these seasons and they try to look their best so that someone will say something. Go say something to one these people. Talk to them, like in real face-to-face conversation. And if you’re scared to do that, there are lovely websites out there for you.
If you’re still not getting into a relationship and you really want one, lower your standards. The best advice I can give you.
(Except for a few of you that I know, and you know who you are. You can’t lower your standards anymore. Just raise them. Please. And if you raise your standards, I no longer have to give a judgmental look and go, “No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No! NO! Seriously, knock it off.”)
If you are truly desperate for a relationship, lower your standards. You’ll get a relationship. You may not be happy with it, but you’ll get one. And you can take them home to meet your family for the holidays and say, “Here, this is a person.”
I have been lucky enough to spend my Thanksgiving without the questions of “Are you dating anyone? When are you getting married? When are you having children? Do you even like boys?” I’m 19. It doesn’t matter. Plus, I have an older brother so he deals with all of it first. My Thanksgiving consisted of a new awkwardness: politics. Not one of us said anything. It was just plates, forks and knives clanking.
You can take this person and this relationship home with you. You can take it wherever you want. You can show it off to whoever you want.
I spend my month off from college in my hometown. Throughout my whole high school career, I never had a boyfriend. I knew most of these kids for thirteen years; why would I suddenly want to start dating one of them? So I could bring my relationship home with me and show off to those girls who were mean to me in high school. Actually, I couldn’t because the day I see them is the day hell freezes over.
But, you could do that too. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend home and show them off. “Look, I tried to date you in high school and you said ‘Hell no.’ Well, I’ve got a boyfriend now.”
The other person will respond, “Cool.” It won’t be in happy kind of way; they’ll respond in the kind of way like Why are you telling me? I didn’t ask.
If you truly want a relationship, go and get one. You will find someone. Everyone can find someone if they lower their standards enough.
However, if you’re like me, somewhat lonely but not willing to give up anything, and you’re a little envious of all the happy relationships you see out there and want one so badly… don’t. A relationship will come eventually. Someone will like me eventually, and I have no problem waiting for it. There’s no reason to be envious over those happy relationship and people, because they’re not happy all the time. Take comfort in that. And, because you’re not in a relationship, think of all the things you can do with these passing holidays.
All the money I would spend on their Christmas presents, I can spend on myself. I can eat all those Christmas treats. I can got to bed early on New Year’s Eve because sleep is the most important thing for me! Think of all those feelings you don’t need to have for another human being; they’re so exhausting. On Valentine’s Day, I will see all those happy couples and know that one of them doesn’t want to be there. It’s so nice because you won’t be pressured into something you don’t want to do, like sex, a movie your partner thinks is funny, or hating your partner’s parents because they’re incredibly stuck up.
No, I don’t need to spend my time, effort, patience, money and life molding a guy to actually be a boyfriend. I have my girlfriends and they know how to be the best boyfriend in the world. Because there is nothing in the world that a boyfriend can do for me that I can’t do for myself.
“Sophie, what about companionship?”
I have a dog.
If that feeling of envy is hitting you today and throughout the holiday season, go get a relationship. I believe in you. You can do it if you want to do it. But if you’re feeling lonely but you’re still fine, do you really want to screw that up? Do you really want to have to take care of another person when the apocalypse hits because Donald Trump has risen to full power? No, I don’t think so. It’s every man for himself.
