Standards and expectations are completely different concepts when it comes to relationships, and they shouldn't be ignored when you're seriously thinking about dating. Before I dissect exactly what I mean, here are some basic definitions to help you understand a little better:
Standards: a level of quality or attainment
Example: "I have high standards for the person I'm dating when it comes to honesty" or "The person I date should have a job and a car"
Expectations: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future
Example: "I have high expectations for the person I'm dating when it comes to how many (or quality of) gifts they buy me for Christmas" or "The person I date should take me on a date every weekend"
To me, a standard is something you should keep high no matter what, while expectations can vary depending on what your needs are or where you are in your relationship. Here's my argument: Lowering your expectations while keeping your standards high is the key to finding and maintaining a great relationship.
My last relationship before my current boyfriend was nothing but let downs over and over again. I let my standards for men completely fall while still maintaining high expectations for him and our relationship. Like many of these types of relationships, we were on and off again for years until we finally let go. If you ask me what I saw in him, my answer will always be this: I loved who he could be, what he could do with his life, and how he treated me sometimes. I kept believing in his potential, expecting him to become a better man and expecting him to start treating me right.
Flash forward to my current relationship. We've been together for almost a year, and I can honestly say I've never been happier. After my ex and I split up for good, I started seeing dating in a whole new light. I didn't expect to find someone right away, fall in love, or anything for that matter. My expectations were at zero, but I brought my standards back up, knowing that the next guy I date will be x, y, and z and nothing less. When my boyfriend and I started dating, I didn't expect him to take me on extravagant dates or really anywhere amazing for that matter. It may sound weird at first, but we just took it step by step and put expectations aside. I didn't wait for him to ask me to go out, and today, I still don't wait for him to do things to make me happy.
Waiting for someone to do something nice for you, especially when you know they won't do it, is a trap. I used to wait for my ex to ask me how my day was, something SO simple. People like that don't deserve you. Raise your standards.
When you get to know someone, you figure out whether or not they meet your standards. You don't need high expectations if you know them and know how they treat you. My boyfriend doesn't have to get me random gifts or take me out every weekend, but he does these things occasionally without me asking, and that is what really counts.
When all is said and done, your expectations will always vary depending on you and where you are in your relationship. They should change as your relationship matures and as both you and your significant other decide what you want out of it. Bottom line is that there are people who will meet your standards. Wait for them. It will be worth it in the end.
