You have decided to fall in love with a girl who hates falling in love. Congratulations! It’s not going to be easy. You’re going to get frustrated and annoyed by her tendency to be standoffish.

You might feel like she’s distant. It’s not because she doesn’t appreciate you. It’s because the thought of a relationship makes her roll her eyes. The word “relationship” is scary. It’s synonymous with the word “prison.” Instead of saying the “r-word,” you should probably say something like “we’re mutually exclusive” or maybe just “significant others.” “She’s like my pet cat but in human form” is probably best when explaining it.

It’s not that she doesn’t love you. It’s not that she doesn’t want attention and affection. It’s that she doesn’t know how to respond to it. She might tense up when you kiss her in public. She might make weird noises when you compliment her. The thought of forehead kisses might make her vomit in her mouth a little bit.

Let’s put this in perspective: this girl loves her independence. She doesn’t have #baegoalz and she doesn’t like PDA. She loved hooking up and never thought twice about it, and then you walked into her life. And she fell in love with you. You made her step out of her comfort zone and open up to something new.

Never ask about your future as a couple. She doesn’t even know what she wants to eat for dinner (Chipotle, most likely), so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s anxiety-inducing and overwhelming. A relationship is a lot to process in the present, so let her take it one day at a time. While we’re on the topic of this, never think about her past. Never ask about her past. She is with you, here and now, and that’s all that matters. She’s chosen to be with you and no one from her past. There’s nothing she can change about it, even if she wanted to. Getting upset over her past shows that you feel insecure, and it’s going to make her question why she’s with someone so insecure. She forgot about her past you became her present, so I suggest you do the same.

She is not afraid of love. She does not think she isn’t deserving of love. This woman is independent and strong and she loves herself enough for the both of the two of you. She knows damn well what she deserves, and she’s going to be wary of this relationship until she knows you can provide it. It’ll be a hell of a ride, but you’re going to look back and realize that when you handle her gently, she will open up just for you. Love her gently and she will love you fiercely.