Dating is tough on its own. Sometimes (most of the time), dating someone who is just coming out of a relationship or has even just been in a lot of shitty relationships, isn't the easiest thing to do. If you're dating a girl (or thinking of dating a girl) who has been through some hell, here's ten things to keep in mind:
1. She's not going to deal with bullshit.
She's been through all sorts of hell and she's not afraid to walk away. She's mastered the art and she's resilient. She's unwilling to settle for something that she doesn't want or need.
2. She's going to over analyze.
Again, she has a past. Sure, she might fall down a rabbit hole of jealousy or irritation at the mention of an ex, but it's because she's afraid that you'll go back to her. She may seem far too analytical but it's only because she's picking up on former warning signs that she's brushed off before (even if you don't see them as warning signs). She's often convinced someone is going to leave. If she seems like shes overthinking, she's learned that sometimes her initial thought isn't always right. She just wants to be certain.
3. She doesn't open up to you about her past because she is still hurting.
Opening up is the deepest form of intimacy for her.
4. Before you call her crazy, remember it's because she knows how she wants to be treated.
Keep in mind she's unwilling to settle for anything less. If she wasn't "crazy" she'd have no emotional feeling or reaction toward the way she was mistreated.
5. Be glad that she isn't okay with how she was treated.
6. Things will trigger her.
It may be something severe or something minor, but things will remind her of her past. Reassurance is your best friend and hers. Show her that you're different. Use this time to your advantage because the lack of reassurance will push you apart.
7. Know what you want from her and make it clear to her.
Don't allow her to open herself up only to come up with a bullshit excuse that "It's not her, it's you" speech. She's heard all the excuses in the books, and frankly, she won't want to remain friends in a friendship founded in rejection.
8. Be straightforward with her.
There is a fine line between honesty and hurtfulness. Take a second to ask yourself: Is this something that she should know? Will she benefit from this information?" If not, keep it to yourself (Disclaimer: cheating is an exception to this. Just don't be a piece of shit. Don't cheat).
9. Her silence is not acceptance.
Just because she doesn't bring it up, doesn't mean she isn't noticing it. This goes for apologies and all things alike. Her silence is not forgiveness and her forgiveness does not always mean forgetting. For someone who has been through the ringer, forgetfulness does not come easy when someone shows their true colors.
10. Remind her that the only way to see if the relationsip works is by being present.
Understand that the person she is was built by her experiences. Never see her as a victim. See her as a survivor. Be glad that, miraculously, she has the ability to love. And although that love isn't always aparent, it's there. It's strong.
