Losing you hurt like hell.

It still hurts.

I felt like I lost myself, and the more I thought about it, I realized that I had.

I loved you so hard and so much. I loved you with everything my heart and my body and my soul had to offer.

After you broke me, I realized I didn't recognize any of the pieces scattered across the floor. I wasn't this girl.

I wasn't the girl who cried herself to sleep, the girl whose happiness relied on a guy, the girl who was OK being an option, and I sure as hell wasn't the girl who waited around for someone to decide whether or not I was worthy of him.

Yet here I was.

There were so many times that I would tear myself to pieces, analyzing every moment, wondering what I could have done differently. I did this to myself for months, knowing damn well that you weren't losing any sleep over it.

I found myself ordering food that I would never eat at our old spots just because it was your favorite. I adopted your lingo, your sense of humor and even the funny way you walk.

I would sleep in your clothes because even the smallest piece of you brought me comfort. I wasted my days away searching for signs that weren't there, my mind manipulated everything into remnants of you.

It didn't exactly happen overnight, but I remember waking up one morning and thinking why am I letting him do this to me?

That was the day I realized how much of myself I had given up. How much I had changed to fit what your idea of perfect was.

I started to do the things I loved again, never even realizing I had given them up in the first place.

I started going out with my friends, I went dancing for the first time in months, I went for hikes and stretched out in the sun with my favorite novel.

I listened to all of my favorite songs that you had always hated, I drove with the windows down and sang my heart out. I realized I could get through this.

Slowly, but surely, I began to recognize myself.

My heart no longer skipped a beat when my phone lit up, I no longer held onto a twinge of hope that your name would be displayed on the screen.

I wasn't stalking your social media anymore, and I stopped caring if you liked, or even saw, what I posted.

I didn't lay awake at night wondering if you were thinking about me. In fact, I rarely thought about you at all.

I always swore that I saw love in your eyes, but it was only my reflection staring back at me. Once I learned to love myself the way I loved you, my life changed.

Losing you hurt like hell, but I love myself a whole lot more now because of it.