Just today, I was talking to a friend who told me she was sick of looking around and seeing everyone around her dating, married or popping out kids. Being in college can definitely give young women, like her and I, a sense of urgency in finding a guy to "start our life with."

You wanna know what's messed up though?

That statement.

That to "start our life," we have to find a guy.

And to "start our life," we have to fully commit to that guy.

And to "start our life," we have to love that guy.

Well, I'm about to drop a bomb on you guys.

I've found someone, I've learned to commit to them, and I love them.

Who's the lucky one?

Me.

And my life has even started without a guy in it.

Before you all get your panties in a twist and think I'm some ultra-feminist that hates men or refuses to ever marry, you are so wrong. Some day (maybe even soon) I will find a guy and be the woman he needs.

As of this phase of my life though, I have finally learned to love and focus on myself. And, if you know my past, that's a pretty big deal.

You see, I used think very poorly of my looks, personality, and talents. To be honest, I kind of despised myself. Isn't that sad? That a young girl of 16 can actually hate herself so much she doesn't care if she lives or dies.

But now I know different, and understand the truth that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made."

What's sad is, most girls don't understand that Biblical truth. They think they have let go of the hatred of themselves, but they never do. You know how I know? They're the girls and women who find their self worth through men.

I don't blame them. When I hated myself, all I wanted was a guy to tell me I was pretty and take me on dates. It makes you feel good! It makes you feel desired! But listen girls:

There's many things wrong with dating when you don't love yourself.

Why?

Let's get into it.

1. The man will literally become your world.

Your sole purpose of everyday (even if it's subconscious) will become them. Because they make you feel good about yourself, you will most likely pour your everything into them, leaving no room to focus on yourself. You might even stop making time for God, because your boyfriend gives you immediate satisfaction unlike God sometimes.

2. You will be a more jealous partner.

If you're constantly ridiculing your own looks and personality, you'll feel more threatened by any other person that gets close to your boyfriend. Everyone around you seems better than you, therefore are threats to your relationship.

3. He will become your "pick-me-up" instead of your supporter.

Basically, you will depend on compliments and gifts to keep the relationship and your crumbling self-worth alive. What's bad about this though, is that these compliments only satisfy for a time, until eventually your self-worth will fail even worse than before.

4. Once the relationship ends, you will feel worthless.

For those months you were together, you based your identity on your boyfriend. Now you're not together, and your self-worth is gone along with your relationship.

5. And then, you'll jump quickly to another guy.

The cycle continues, unless you decide to end it.

So, how do you get yourself out of the cycle?

It's simple.

Find out who you are when there's not a guy around to mask your true feelings towards yourself... and then slowly learn to love that girl!

I know it's easier said than done, but I truly believe that once you make a conscious decision to focus on yourself and sort through the lies you've been told for years, you make progressive steps towards officially loving yourself.

Once you get that down, the next man you find will not be drawn to your dependence on him, but the confidence you have in yourself.

After all, Proverbs 31:25 reminds us that a woman after God's heart is "...clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

My desire for women of today is that we will have ease in who God has created us to be so much so that we can "laugh at the days to come."

Just remember, every woman has something to offer the world.

You are beautiful, and you are loved.

Now believe it for yourself.