I miss studying abroad.

I've been back home in the States for four months now and I'm still having problems adjusting. Studying abroad was one of the best experiences I've ever had the opportunity to be a part of and it still stings to know the chances of me going back is slim. Some people say "it's a phase, you'll get over it" or "you just miss the freedom".

But, it's not.

Yeah, I miss the freedom and being legal (I'm not legal in the States, yet). I miss the day life of traveling and exploring and the night life of going out with friends. I miss the food and public transportation, the simplicity of going out to eat or getting from one place to another because you had options. I miss the people I met while abroad because they actually wanted to learn more about me and we all wanted to spend time together (not that my friends back at home didn't! It's just a different perspective. We were short on time and from different places).

To be specific now,

I studied abroad in London. I miss staying at Kings Cross and having the 3rd floor as the hangout/homework area. I miss being close to Kings Cross/St. Pancreas Station because public transportation became simple. I miss the double decker buses even though when it became crowded, you had to stand and you would lose balance every time the bus stops and goes. I miss Tesco and Sainsbury's. I miss seeing coffee shops and pubs left to right. I miss the all you can eat vegan Indian buffet for six pound fifty between Kings Cross and Angel Street and I miss Nandos, Chicken, Burrito, Itsu, Cereal Killer Cafe, MIldreds, Pizza Union, Candy's & Cream, and any other place I went to go eat at or wanted to eat at. Also, they don't use any chemicals or preservatives... how great is that! I miss walking on Angel Street during the day and finding a place to go to at night. I miss Soho, Chinatown, Shoreditch, Camden, Oxford Street, and Piccadilly Circus. I miss the markets from Bricklane to Camden to Borough. I miss walking around, exploring, and trying new things as you see them. I miss my friends from the States that I studied with and the friends I met at random locations: Brits, Swedish, Indian, Latin American, Japanese, etc. I even miss class and the faculty and professors from IES, from analyzing films such as "Woman in Black" and "A Clockwork Orange" to going to BBC to listening to Julian's talks and rants in class about Brexit, and to running into Sally while she's jogging and getting to know Simon and John (amazing classes and very cool people right there).

But most of all,

I miss finding myself and being, 100 percent joyful. It sounds kind of dumb because you find who you are wherever you go and a place doesn't define happiness, but the experiences I went through with and without friends, the studies I learned inside and outside class, and the things I went through abroad personally can never be found here in the States. By the end of my study abroad experience, I finally re-connected with the person I am meant to be. I was happy where I was because I was finally able to be myself without feeling judged and worthless. I was also able to gain knowledge that I actually wanted to learn more about. I feel suffocated being back and that's not a good feeling.

Study abroad will always be in my heart. My heart's not in London, but London is in my heart. I miss everything so much, but I know one day I will return. I am forever thankful for the experience that has been given to me, and I am so happy at the decision I made to study abroad, especially in London.