High school was all about who was dating who or what party you managed to get invited to. I was young, wild, and free until our eyes met at the corner of that small gas station where every bad boy met. I was dancing my heart out and you happened to be the particular brown eyes boy I sang too.

Little did I know that a few months later, you would be the boy I thought, I would marry and grow old with.

The bad boy attitude slowly faded and the caring, fragile boy came out. I never expected you to be more than a summer fling, if that. Everything was perfect with you; late night strolls down your parents’ land, casual dinners in your back yard. I was over the moon knowing that I was the small town girl who won your heart. That summer with you was full of laughter, you wanted more out of life. Everyone has seen how happy you have become and I was proud. Fall came and your past came back stronger than a shot of whiskey. I was fighting to keep the boy you had become from falling back into a world of pain and misery. Sadly, you did not want me to save you. Instead, you pushed me away, darling. Our love was perfect. We had big plans you and I. I was going to go off and become a doctor and you would take over your daddy’s business. You walked away with no explanation, suddenly loving me was not enough to fight the addiction.

To the boy, I thought I would marry. I am sorry, I was never enough for you. I truly did love you even when everyone, told me you were nothing but trouble. You were the one, who taught me to believe in myself. You were my first love and I loved you more than anything. I was young and crazy and in love with you, that I never saw the signs. You refused to fight for us instead you gave up. I couldn’t compete with the other girls, I was never going to be the girl your friends said I was. I thought I knew what love was but I was wrong. I fell in love with an illusion. I spent months trying to get over you hoping, I could erase what we had because it all seem fake. My heart broke into million pieces, that rainy day I handed you the ring back. I knew from friends, that you were out last night getting drunk. I did not expect you to be there asleep. I wanted so badly for you to tell me, that it was a mistake and that you wanted us. You laid there faking to be asleep only to hear me cry.

I came home to celebrate our friend’s birthday this past summer. I spotted you among the crowd, I wanted to run to you and relive all of the memories. I knew that it was not going to happen instead, I said hello. Our friends told me that you still talked about me, I do wish that you would have fought for me. Thank you for showing me that you can’t help someone, who does not want help. Thank you for showing me, that the love for we had was toxic. You kept pulling me in every chance, I had to walk away.

To the boy I thought I would marry, I found someone who showed me what real love was.