First of all, I want to start with I am sorry, I am sorry I get this way. Sometimes we can be in the middle of a wonderful dinner and then it's like a thunderstorm rolls in. I immediately sink down in my chair and keep my jaw locked.My arms go to my sides and I use the excuses "I am just tired" or "I've got a headache" to withdraw from the conversation so that way I don't have to explain what happened because, quite frankly, I don't even know what provoked my silence. It's just something that happens.
Sometimes I just wake up feeling tightness in my bones and a heavy heart beating in my chest. I don't know what causes this- maybe something I was pondering in my subconscious during sleep... who knows. These things just seem to happen and while I wish they didn't, they do.
Second of all, I want to say thank you. Thank you for always asking what's wrong, even if it's through a text sent across the room. Thank you for asking how much sleep I got the night before when I don't look well-rested. Thank you for letting me half-listen to your funny stories when I can't focus on anything except the tightness in my chest because I do care. Thank you for going with/taking me on long car rides where we don't have to talk, we can just listen to our favorite playlists. Thank you for asking me what I've had for meals that day and forcing me to leave my room every once in a while. Thank you for holding me when I need to cry and telling me to be strong when all I feel is worn.
Thirdly, please know I am always here for you too. I will go on so many chicken nugget runs for you if you haven't had anything to eat. I will hold your hand in the parking lot as you express every thought running through your mind to me. I will sleep beside you if you feel lonely and try not to talk in my sleep that much. I will braid your hair when you feel frumpy and not like the queen you are. I will send you "I love you" messages and "you can do this" and "I am proud of you" anytime I feel like you've forgotten those things. We are weathered, but we are not finished. The day may be dark, but our hearts are full of light and I promise to shine with you.
