So maybe I’m a sappy Pisces, or maybe that’s just my excuse for being a hopeless romantic. But I honestly, I truly believe that there is someone out there for all of us to find. It’s only natural to want to have your own person to run to, to spoil, to hold, to fulfill the needs that no one else really could, and most importantly fill some sort of void that we learn was never there as kids.
As children, we were always so full of delight - never in need of anything because we had our parents and we had their love and their cuddles and their company. As adults, we get lonely and suddenly we need to fill the void that our parents did when we were younger.
It took me years and years to realize this, but if you don’t love and want to protect your partner as a parent would, and vice versa, you’re probably not in love.
Yes, I’m doing this to you.
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV Holy Bible.
Love is Patient
I cannot stress this enough. Every relationship has its own boundaries, mainly because the couple involved truly care for each other and set “rules” they follow so that they don’t end up in a bad situation or to ensure the success of the relationship.
But there is a thin line between control, and trusted boundaries. Note the word trusted. Communication is key in any relationship, especially one with boundaries, and you can’t have proper communication without patience. Yes, even with anxiety. That means no jumping to conclusions, no being down each other’s throat all the time, and of course no unnecessary drama. In every successful relationship, the pair needs to be confident within themselves and their partner enough to be patient with them. And if that is lacking, you’re probably not in the right type of relationship.
Love is Kind
It’s definitely okay and normal to have disagreements and arguments in a relationship. If anything, it is healthy. However, no matter the situation, you must control your emotions enough to remain kind to your partner.
People can say a lot of hurtful things because they are scared or feel threatened, or maybe even because they are hurt themselves.
But harsh words, especially from a significant other, not only get you nowhere but down in the relationship, but those scars sting for a very long time, even if it resulted in the relationship ending.
Kind of like bullying. That’s a no-no, you learn in school and online what it can do to people, so don’t bully your partner. Keep your cool, breathe, and talk like adults. Mental abuse is a large pressing issue in our society. Do not let yourself fall victim to it, whether you are dishing it or taking it.
It Does Not Envy
Okay, so it’s kind of cute, and even a slight turn on when your partner gets a little jealous that someone else is looking at you or talking to you. But let me tell ya, that can open up a whole new can of worms if not contained.
Jealousy can easily lead to control and codependency if not handled properly. That being said, there are two different types of jealousy. The playful/lowkey protective type of green, or the controlling/possessive type of garbage.
Ladies, if someone is hitting on you in a bar and your man decides to say something, or pull you closer, that is only because he wants you to be respected and safe. However, if he’s telling you not to text your guy friends, or looking for your phone, that’s the trash you should immediately run from. That is the kind of green monster that will creep up from under your bed and kick your ass every single time something pops up on your phone, or you’re trying to have a day with the girls. Same goes for you men. If she’s a Nazi, run. But if she’s going to trust you and allow you some space, she deserves the same in return.
It Does Not Boast, It is Not Proud
If you want to brag about your partner to your friends or family, go for it! It’s good to appreciate and honor what you have in a relationship. However, when you’re boasting about yourself and taking in pride on yourself towards your partner, that will only put them down.
We are human. We are literally made to make mistakes; whether it’s at school, work, or at home. It happens. Don’t be that person to chastise your partner when they mess up. You’re not too righteous yourself; trust me. And any person to do that shows insecurity. Not a good time!
When we mess up, the first person we want to run to for comfort is our partner in crime. Notice how I said partner in crime, because it is important to understand that neither party in the relationship is perfect, and mistakes will be made, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Now, I’m not saying to let your partner walk all over you and make the same mistake time and time again, but when they do mess up (especially if it is not directed toward you), be there for them and fix it together. Don’t put them down.
It Does Not Dishonor Others
This goes beyond love in relationships. Obviously, if your partner dishonors you or disrespects you in any way whatsoever, you’re in an abusive and toxic relationship. If they belittle or disrespect someone in front of you, just know you’re next. It shows a weak-minded, hungry-power person who will only hurt you. And there is nothing genuine about that!
It is Not Self-Seeking, Easily Angered, it Keeps No Record of Wrongs
Okay, so everything listed here will literally tell you whether or not you’re dating a good person. No one wants someone selfish. Make them prove to you that you are one of their priorities, that they make time for you, even if that means making sacrifices. Someone patient and understanding and supportive is someone every relationship needs. That’s the reason behind a relationship anyway, isn’t it? And c’mon guys. Your courtship is not a football game. We do not keep track of touchdowns and penalties to use against each other. Always remember you two against the problem, not each other.
Love Does Not Delight in Evil, But Rejoices With Truth
Alright, everyone wants a bad boy/girl. Trust me, I get it. But take it from someone who’s dated pretty much any dream bad boy any girl would fantasize about. It. NEVER. Works. Ever. We all dream of finding a bad person we can fix, or someone who wants to be good for us and to us only. There’s something hot about leather jackets and motorcycles. There’s something even more appealing about a person who doesn’t give a flying f*ck. But WHY?!
What is SO sexy about someone who wears a leather jacket and rides, yet never graduated college, can’t keep a job because they think they’re too good for everyone and everything, probably has a baby momma somewhere out there with a poor child they could care less about, and gets drunk every night and does drugs because they think they’re invincible. Remember, someone who doesn’t care about themselves, will NEVER care about you. They will only rely on you. And we don’t want that, do we?
Find that sexy badass who wears leather jackets, rides a motorcycle to work every morning, takes you to dinner but can still get you a little tipsy. That guy who works out and cares for his health and his future. That guy that wants to provide for you and satisfy you in every way possible. That guy who is so intelligent, you learn a thing or two from him! He’s the one who’ll lift you up, meanwhile, the bad boys will tear you down.
It Always Protects, Always Trusts, Always Hopes, Always Perseveres.
Now, this —This is super important, but extremely scary. We live in a cruel world and we’ve all been hurt by people we’ve loved, or thought we loved in the past. And it all comes down to this: If you don’t love yourself you can never love another person. Let me tell you why.
Once you find that good person who’ll bring you up, fear will obviously creep in the back of your mind. You’re scared to get hurt again, you’re scared you’ll have to get over another lover, you’re so scared, you’re thinking to yourself enjoy it while it lasts. We’ve ALL been there, and I’m no expert, I just read a lot. I’m still trying to master this piece in the relationship, myself.
It is normal to have these fears, but talking it out helps so much. Communication is key. Notice how I said talking, not freaking out on your person of interest. If you let it consume you, it'll only show that you’re insecure, scared of being alone, weak-minded, and altogether, not ready to be in the relationship. Once you’re secure in your own self and values and control your own emotions, you’ll be set. These fears won’t attack you as much. And believe me. God won’t put the right person in your life until he knows for a fact that you won’t mess it up because you’re emotionally immature or dependent. SO, the sooner you love yourself, the sooner you can love your partner. And if you don’t, and you’re wondering why you’re all alone and nothing works out, you better get to it.
And ladies, let him protect you. It doesn’t mean that you’re weak or anti-feminist, it’s just his way of showing he cares about you.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away
Trust me, LOVE NEVER FAILS. If it did in the past, then it wasn’t real. If someone left you because “you deserve better” then they gave up on not only you, but themselves as well. If someone abandoned you or cheated on you or chose something or someone over you, they never loved you. It sucks, but it’s true. I’ve spent the past 21 years watching my parents fight and make up, talk to others about their problems, pray together, and ALWAYS work it out. Not once did they give up, kick each other out, cheat, or abandon each other. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.
When you love someone, your souls really do intertwine into one being. You find yourself in that person. You learn things about yourself and about life that you never knew. You prove not only to each other, but to everyone around you how magical and powerful love really is. You will be that #goals relationship everyone rages about, and oh my God, that feels good. Knowing you finally did it right. Knowing you’re safe. Knowing you’re needed and everyone wants what you have.
If you don’t have a #goals relationship yet, I promise one day you will, but love is all based on those few verses, whether or not you’re religious. Love is the universal language, and it just so happened to be beautifully scribed in the Holy Bible.
Read it. Live by it. Love yourself enough to let yourself love someone who deserves you.