After Losing My Mom, I Need You To Know This

I Lost My Mom This Month And I Need To Say This

Everyone is fighting their own battle that you know nothing about.

440
views

When I was in third grade, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

As a nine-year-old, I had no idea exactly what this meant, and I certainly I had no comprehension of the anxiety, fear, and stress that my mom, and my whole family, would endure for the next 11 years.

Growing up in a family that cancer has wreaked havoc upon forced me to grow up a little faster than most people my age. I was always told that I was responsible and insightful for my age, and this is something that I carried with me. I started to learn that life wasn't always going to go the way I wanted it to.

When I was a high school student, my family and I faced some of the hardest and worst years, and my last year of high school is one that I will probably forever remember as the most miserable time I've been through. My mom's health was incredibly unstable, and the end of my Senior year brought my mom multiple health scares that were absolutely terrifying for us, and even more so for her.

Heading into college, things at least seemed relatively stable, and I believed the same thing coming into my Sophomore year. Now, only two months into my second year at college, I no longer have the most important person in my life. This has been an immense shock to my family and me, but it has also shocked the people around me, if just for the fact that I shared this part of my life with hardly anyone.

Through all of the years of struggle and sadness, this side of my life was one I did not share, or at least not for the most part.

This isn't a pity party. I am not looking for sympathy, nor attention. I simply want to bring to light the fact that every single person you meet is fighting a personal battle that you ultimately know nothing about.

I didn't even know as much about my mom's battle as I thought I did, and she was my mother.

In retrospect, I spent so many years of my life combatting my mom, arguing about things that meant nothing, and just generally not being as kind as I should have been, especially considering all that she did for me during the 19, nearly 20, years we had together. After I got to college, my relationship with my mom became stronger and continued to strengthen as time went on, because we now had limited time to spend together, and even just to talk. I started to value the minutes I got to spend talking to my family much more than I had previously, and I started truly making an effort to be a better daughter and sister.

Family is so sacred, and something that each and every one of us needs to treasure while we can.

My mom and I never had the kind of relationship you see in movies, where a mom and daughter talk about absolutely everything without boundaries. It wasn't that I didn't want that kind of relationship, I just wasn't even sure that I could have that, because my high school years had consisted of arguing and me closing myself off. By the end of my year as a college freshman, however, my mom and I were closer than we had ever been, and even closer still after these first couple months as a sophomore.

That might be the hardest part of all of this. My mom and I had finally established the best friend relationship I had always wondered about. We were finally close, and really close, at that. Our relationship was stronger and better than ever, and now I don't have that anymore, and I can't help but wish I had realized sooner exactly how important it is to love and cherish your loved ones while you can.

If you take one thing away from this article, I want you to walk away with a greater appreciation for the people who love, support, and motivate you. I want you to walk away knowing that every single second you have with the people you love is a second you should be so, so incredibly grateful for because one day you will run out of seconds. Life is too short for petty arguments. Life is too short to be rude and condescending to people who have done nothing but be there for you. Life is too short to hold grudges, and certainly too short to turn your back on someone over something that won't matter in five years, or even in one.

Life is too damn short to take people, and things, for granted.

Appreciate everything and everyone in your life, and everyone who has ever been part of your life. People don't come into our lives for no reason, and people also don't stay forever. And that is why you need to appreciate the hell out of them while they are here. You never know how much time you might have left with someone. I certainly had no idea.

I want to now return to the idea that you never know what someone is going through.

You truly never know what someone might be dealing with. Be kind, always.

Personally, as I explained earlier, I barely shared with anyone the fact that my mother was sick. At times, it was hard to keep it private, but I knew it wasn't something I really wanted to share, and it wasn't something my mom would have wanted the whole world to know. And I know that because she didn't share many details with many people either.

At the end of senior year, things weren't going very well, and I had started to get distant from some friends because my family had become a much higher priority, as it should have been. I tried to explain as best I could when I was asked why I had gotten so distant, but I couldn't and didn't want to, explain. I lost a couple friendships over others' suspicion that I had no excuse. And you know what? That's okay. That's okay because someone who values your friendship will stay through things you can't explain. They'll stay through everything.

Unfortunately, it takes an absolutely horrible tragedy and heartbreak to show you who's real and who simply isn't. It takes terrible things to show you who you should and shouldn't let go of, and who you should and shouldn't be worrying yourself sick over. If there is one bright-side of the tragedy my family is going through, it's that I now know who to keep in my life, and who to officially let go of. Realistically, no matter how bad of terms I am on with a person, if I were to hear that they were going through something awful, I would reach out without hesitation and offer my help and support. That's who I am and that is how I have always been, and it is that standard to which I hold the people in my life.

People who choose to be absent during your hardest times and your most outrageous times of need are people you must choose to let go of.

Returning to my main point, however, someone can seem perfectly happy on the outside, but be torturing themselves on the inside. You have no idea what kind of struggle a person is going through, even if everything seems perfectly fine. A lot of my friends had no idea that this was something I had been dealing with for 19 years of my life. A lot of my mom's friends had no idea exactly how serious things were for her. You simply have no idea.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to value your loved ones.

Don't forget to call home.

Don't forget to tell your parents and siblings how much you love them.

Don't forget to tell your friends how much you love and appreciate them.

Please, just don't forget to appreciate all of the people who put you first, who are there for you no matter what, and who love you to the end of time.

These people aren't going to be around forever. Love them while you can.

Popular Right Now

To The Dad Who Didn't Want Me, It's Mutual Now

Thank you for leaving me because I am happy.
916260
views

Thank you, for leaving me.

Thank you, for leaving me when I was little.

Thank you, for not putting me through the pain of watching you leave.

Thank you, for leaving me with the best mother a daughter could ask for.

I no longer resent you. I no longer feel anger towards you. I wondered for so long who I was. I thought that because I didn't know half of my blood that I was somehow missing something. I thought that who you were defined me. I was wrong. I am my own person. I am strong and capable and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

In my most vulnerable of times, I struggled with the fact that you didn't want me. You could have watched me grow into the person that I have become, but you didn't. You had a choice to be in my life. I thought that the fact that my own father didn't want me spoke to my own worth. I was wrong. I am so worthy. I am deserving, and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

You have missed so much. From my first dance to my first day of college, and you'll continue to miss everything. You won't see me graduate, you won't walk me down the aisle, and you won't get to see me follow my dreams. You'll never get that back, but I don't care anymore. What I have been through, and the struggles that I have faced have brought me to where I am today, and I can't complain. I go to a beautiful school, I have the best of friends, I have an amazing family, and that's all I really need.

Whoever you are, I hope you read this. I hope you understand that you have missed out on one of the best opportunities in your life. I could've been your daughter. I could have been your little girl. Now I am neither, nor will I ever be.

So thank you for leaving me because I am happy. I understand my self-worth, and I understand that you don't define me. You have made me stronger. You have helped make me who I am without even knowing it.

So, thank you for leaving me.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 Father's Day Quotes To Share With Your Dad

"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."
— Anne Geddes
40
views

Fathers are peculiar figures in our lives. They lack the frantic affection of mothers, yet display a certain tenderness of their own toward their children. They've done some crazy stunts of their own, yet fuss over their kids' tiniest mishaps. They're there for the ride of child-rearing no shorter than mothers, and yet their emotional experience isn't exactly the same.

Fathers are our parents, teachers, and providers. It only seems right to take a day out of each year to honor all that they do for us. And so in the spirit of the holiday, I've listed ten Father's Day quotes below for you to share with your own dads.

“The power of a dad in a child’s life is unmatched.” —Justin Ricklefs

Giphy

It's true: a father's emotional presence in his relationship with his children can make all the difference in how the child turns out as an adult, for better or worse. A dad receives his parenting "report card," so to say, once the child reaches adulthood and either chooses to continue visiting home or stay away.

However, for a large portion of a child's youth, a dad has most of the power over his relationship with his children. The development of the relationship is entirely dependent on how he chooses to treat his children.

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” —William Shakespeare

Giphy

You can't deny this one, either. Most good fathers know their children better than they know themselves. My own dad frequently knows what I'm feeling before I do. The best fathers are tuned in to their children's emotions, and they certainly try their best to help you when problems arise.

“A father’s smile has been known to light up a child’s entire day.” —Susan Gale

Giphy

Remember way back when the most exciting part of your day was when your dad came home from work? It's a magical feeling to reflect on those days and recall that the simplest things our fathers do can bring smiles to our faces. It's healthy to retain a bit of that childlike wonder as an adult, and we can't ever forget that.

“Fathers just have a way of putting everything together.” —Erika Cosby

Giphy

Although it may be somewhat begrudgingly, you'll admit that you're almost never disappointed when you seek advice from your dad. Your dad is truly great at piecing together puzzles that you can't solve yourself, and you're grateful for his invaluable input. You wouldn't be where you are now if it weren't for his words.

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” —Steve Martin

Personal Image

For the father who has what it takes to be a dad, children teach him that there's much more to life than money. Matters of the heart exceed the value of money, and wallet photographs most likely serve as a reminder of the children for whom he must provide.

After having kids, a man no longer works for his own livelihood, but for that of his own family. And for this, your father certainly deserves much more recognition than he may receive at times.

“Dad: A son’s first hero, a daughter’s first love.” —Unknown

Giphy

From the moment a child sees his or her father for the first time, a heavy responsibility is placed upon his shoulders. A dad must be a role model for how his son is to behave and a standard to which a daughter sets herself to seek out a partner. Hence, a father is a son's first idol and a daughter's first love, as the saying goes.

“A father doesn’t tell you that he loves you. He shows you.” —Dimitri the Stoneheart

Giphy

Oftentimes, a father uses his actions rather than his to show you that he loves you. He works to put food on the table because he loves you. He teaches you how to drive because he wants you to stay safe. He shows you how to change a tire so that you aren't stranded anywhere. Everything he does, he does with love.

“My father didn’t do anything unusual. He only did what dads are supposed to do—be there.” —Max Lucado

Giphy

And what more can you ask of a good dad?

"I'll never forget how I felt at that moment. I felt that my father was a great man." —Kevin Arnold

Giphy

Every child has a moment when he or she realizes that the sacrifices that a father makes are all for their children's benefit. Every child has a moment at which he or she understands that a father is only human, makes mistakes and has more aspirations than meets the eye. It's eye-opening to comprehend that our father is a normal people like you but somehow makes him all the more of an inspiration.

“A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead he picks you up, brushes you off and lets you try again.” —Unknown

Giphy

If there's one thing your fathers teaches you, it's perseverance. And you couldn't love him more so for it.

Father's Day is one of our greatest holidays, so this father's day, remember to thank him for all he's done for you.

Related Content

Facebook Comments