That Episode When I Realized That I Love The Life I'm Living

That Episode When I Realized That I Love The Life I'm Living

Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being.

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The title of this article may sound deceiving when you read the first paragraph but bear with me.

I had heart surgery about two weeks ago. For me, I was excited about it, because my situation with my heart was driving me insane. For others around me, they were scared for me.

Trust me, I have watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know that the surgeons are basically Gods. I assured everyone that I would be okay, and everything would be okay afterward.

However, as my surgery date grew closer, I could feel the nervousness throughout my body. For a second, I was scared for my life. I thought "why me?" or "I literally hate my life so much" or "why can't one thing go right in my life?" I started to second guess this whole surgery thing.

It was a Tuesday morning when my surgery was scheduled. I was sweating. My mom kept asking me if I was nervous and I kept saying no. In all honesty, I was very nervous. The last thing I remember before was the anesthetist saying "okay Ta'lor, just take deep breaths and you'll be awake before you know it."

The surgery was about 2.5 hours long. I was loopy as Hell. Apparently, I asked the nurse if I was okay to go to the club? On a Tuesday? With incisions on both sides of my groin? High Ta'lor is a brave Ta'lor.

Once that wore off, I asked my mom for my phone. I had about 56 different text messages, 34ish snapchats, and an overwhelming amount of notifications on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

My heart stopped. Not actually of course, because I just got it fixed. The amount of love that I received that day made me hate my high school self.

I was really going to end my life back then because I thought no one cared about me. I am SO thankful that I waited it out because now I am at a point in my life where I actually love waking up. Why was I scared of this surgery in the first place?

My best friend came to my recovery room that night when it was icing and snowing at the same time. She came just to make sure I was okay. Could she have just called me? Yes. But she took the time out of her night to come and see me. That bitch really had the nerve though to ask if she could take out all three of my IVs... it was a no from me.

I was exhausted when I finally got to go home. However, the next day, I texted everyone back, thanking them. The crazy part is that it wasn't people that I have known for years. It was people that I had just met or have only known for a month or so.

A friend of mine came over that day and brought me chocolate covered strawberries. In my head, I was thinking "maybe I should have this surgery every week." Another friend of mine came over and brought me the sweetest card along with the greatest note that I have ever received. Might as well marry him, am I right?

Last but not least, another one of my GREAT friends brought me flowers, candy, a note (with poems included), and a Sprite. Three visitors in one day, you'd think I'm Demi Lovato or something. It warmed my heart to think that these people took time out of their busy schedules to come to spend some time with me afterward.

I am not kidding, when I say that things will get better and you will get out of that dark place, I absolutely mean it. I still get an overwhelming amount of check-ins.

Remove toxic people from your life and replace them with people who allow you to grow and who make you into a better person. You need people in your life that are willing to check up on you. Especially in today's times. The world is crazy and the people I have in my life are the biggest blessings. I definitely lucked out.

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Being Ugly

What it means to me

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Due to a series of ongoing events throughout my semester, I've reconsidered what it means for someone to truly be ugly. Though it is often used in terms of appearance, I do not see it as such-- now more than ever. Ugliness runs deeper than appearance-- it runs within one's soul and festers into other areas of one's life, particularly in their treatment of others.

I view ugliness as someone's conscious capacity and implementation of malice. Taking time and energy out of your day to hurt someone else, that's what I view as ugly. Some offenses are more minor than others, however, it is still a conscious effort to hurt or affect someone else negatively-- and that's the source of the problem. I truly wonder what causes that sort of behavior in someone, as I, along with most people, simply do not invest time or energy into hating or plotting against others. It seems like a full-time job.

I can theorize all sorts of reasons as to why someone would act this way: hate, jealousy, vengeance, etc. Yet, all of these reasons don't hit the root reason. It almost seems that some people are just innately ugly in their soul. This alludes to the timeless debate of whether one's personality is due to nature or nurture. Again, although our surroundings and environment do have a large effect in our behavior, that alibi only goes so far when multiple people are placed in the same environment, in the same situation, and only some are willing to cross moral boundaries in order to hurt the others. Just because an environment applies pressure to people, does not mean everyone is going to act out in malice, and it certainly does not give everyone an excuse to do so. Some people are simply conniving and, well, ugly inside.

If you have ever encountered people like this, I know from personal experience that it is such a drag. You have an enemy, essentially, whether you chose to or not, however based on their hatred towards you, they are now considered an enemy, a hater, and any other associated term. Know that they will do anything in their power to bring you down, even if it requires bending the truth and creating elaborate schemes, but you have to keep on doing you. Let them obsess over ways to bring you down. At the end of the day, their time and energy is being invested into bringing you down, while yours is being used to build yourself up. They will fall by default. So, keep your head high, act in grace, and make your money. They can sip on their Haterade and watch from below.

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