On the outside we are smiling, but on the inside we really are going insane. You may not realize it, but we are likely fighting back tears, the urge to bite our nails to the core, and really just our daily struggle with anxiety. We do not know why we are the way we are. We do not choose to be nervous wrecks all the time; in fact, we hate it just as much as, if not more than, those around us.
If it were up to me, I could easily stay in my bed all day waste the days away. Too bad I, like most other adults, happen to have a significant amount of responsibilities and obligations each day. While this desire to stay curled up and hidden away in my house all day may be viewed by many as laziness, the truth is that some days my anxiety is screaming in my ears, making the simplest of tasks incredibly challenging. A quick trip to the grocery store is often enough to leave me on edge and frustrated for the rest of my day.
Trust me when I tell you that of all the things I dislike about myself, none really compare to the loathing I have for my anxiety. I hate that when friends invite me to go out, the comfort of my home is far more inviting. I hate that sometimes I even find myself dreading family gatherings. There is nothing I detest more than the fact that I find it absolutely necessary to mentally prepare myself for such undemanding tasks.
If you are reading this and you too suffer from anxiety, you know how difficult it can be to maintain relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic. If you are reading this and happen to be fortunate to not be as up close and personal with anxiety as the rest of us, I am writing this to help you properly love and better understand your loved one as they battle anxiety.
The first thing we want you to know is that this beyond our control and understanding. We often really have no option or rational explanation for our sometimes crippling anxiety attacks. There is no reasonable explanation for why the thought of going out to dinner is enough to bring us to tears. Or why we often opt out of fun events with family or friends. Sometimes we really just cannot handle it. We do not fully understand why being in large crowds or even just leaving the house can be so emotionally taxing, but sometimes it just is. We want to be able to go out and just have a good time without having to talk ourselves into it or spending the entire time convincing ourselves to have fun, but unfortunately, that is much harder than it sounds.
The second thing we need you to know is that spontaneity is not something we are fond of. I often joke with my friends and family that I need one to three business days to mentally prepare for events such as parties, or even Thanksgiving dinner. While I say this in attempt to make light of my situation, it really is true. My life is a constant routine and straying from that routine can be incredibly stressful. Each day I go over and over my plans for the day so that I can be prepared for anything - it can literally be anything - that might send me over the edge that day so I can avoid it. As ridiculous as it sounds, we are truly creatures of habit; we do not like to venture into the unknown because we have spent so much time creating our safety nets into which we collapse when it feels as if the world - or maybe just our minds - are conspiring against us.
The third and final thing we would like for you to understand is that we have spent weeks, months, even years building up walls around ourselves so that nothing bad can get in. These walls truly are impenetrable and though some brave souls believe that they can come crashing into these barriers we have built, that is impossible. These walls are more like puzzles and to solve them, you must be willing to take time to solve them. Figuring out how to lower these walls will be the best thing you ever do, not only for yourself, but for us as well. To find someone who so delicately deconstructs our defenses and takes the time to get to know our demon, is one of the greatest blessings. I cannot promise that it will be easy, because like Theodore Roosevelt said, "nothing worth having comes easy." But I can promise that with the right amount of love, patience, and dedication, you will find that we are not broken; we are fully capable of love and kindness and friendship. Despite our constant need for reassurance, us anxiety riddled beings will gladly stay by your side until the end of time.
