Dear Starbucks,
I wanted to thank you for everything you do for me. You are my sunshine on a rainy day. I feel like I can come to you at any time, and no matter what, you’re always there for me. I can relax on your amazingly comfortable furniture and not really care if anyone stares at me in my pajamas, because I know you don’t judge. You welcome everyone with open doors no matter where they’re from, and I love that about you.
I know I might seem obsessive at times, but I can’t help but think of you every minute of every day. With your unquestionably good taste in music, amazing sense of style, and your delectable natural smell, it’s hard to forget you.
I have gained almost ten pounds because of you. Why do you do this to me? My parents are going to start wondering where I am all the time, and I can’t keep lying to them. I know they are going to be furious when they find out I’ve spent all my money on you. I know you’re worth it, but some people just don’t understand us.
Sometimes, I don’t understand us. You make me jealous, Starbucks. How come you let everyone taste your delicious sweets and specialty drinks? Why can’t I have you all to myself? I don’t like it when I see other people with you, holding you in their hands. You’re cheating on me.
Why was I so stupid to think I was the only one who loved you? I see you on everyone’s Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. I don’t understand you, Starbucks. It hurts me to wait in a line full of other people who love you too. I know I’m not the only one you are seeing, just admit it.
I don’t think this relationship is going to work. You don’t even remember my name. I have been seeing you for over five years now, and you still can’t seem to spell my name right. Do I really have to spell it out for you? I thought you knew me better than that.
I try to avoid you, but you are unavoidable. You are everywhere. Why must you make it so hard for me to break up with you?
I think we both know that I cannot live without you. So let’s just be friends and call it a day.
Love,
Me
