If you haven’t heard of “The Bachelor,” I’ll start by explaining that it’s an extremely controversial reality show. (Feel free to skip this paragraph if you’ve seen the show or heard about it.) It started in 2002 on ABC, and Chris Harrison has been the host since the very beginning. Each season switches off between having a “bachelor” or a “bachelorette.” If it’s a bachelor, the show starts with about 25 female contestants and if it’s a bachelorette, the show starts with about 25 male contestants. They are eliminated throughout the weeks, based on how well they connect with the bachelor or bachelorette. Each week after one-on-one dates and group dates, there is a “rose ceremony,” where the bachelor or bachelorette hands out roses to the contestants he or she wants to stay. Those who don’t receive a rose are then eliminated. And yes, there’s actually a lot we can learn from this reality show. So let’s begin.

A good first impression is important.

On the first episode of the show each season, a “first impression rose” is given out. Four times so far, the contestant who received that rose is the contestant who ended up with the engagement. That doesn’t mean a person can’t make up for an accidental poor first impression, but instant connections are definitely significant.

Don’t drink too much on the first date.

Contestants are known for getting a little too tipsy during the first cocktail party...and they usually turn into international memes. With 24 other “competitors” in the same house, I guess it’s possible the nerves can take over. On season 11 when Kaitlyn Bristowe was the bachelorette, 28-year-old contestant Ryan caused a lot of problems the first night in the house. He was so messed up that they ended up kicking him off the show immediately.

If nobody likes the person you’re dating, it’s probably a good idea to pay attention to why.

Almost every season, it happens at least once. The bachelor or bachelorette starts to fall for a contestant that the other contestants don’t get along with and someone confronts the bachelor or bachelorette about it. The confronter usually claims that the contestant is “here for the wrong reasons” and gives specific examples about when that person was being rude to the other people in the house, said negative things about the bachelor or bachelorette, or lied. To up the show’s ratings, the bachelor or bachelorette will probably keep the contestant around for a while...but that’s why this is a reality show. In real life, if your friends are telling you the person you like isn’t the person you think he or she is, you might want to be cautious and listen to what they’re saying. Your friends are usually right about these things, so try not to be blinded by schmooze and charm.

Go on exciting dates.

No, it’s not realistic to tell you to go on helicopter rides with your date, travel around the country, or rent a boat for a day like on the show, but it’s clear that the more exciting the date the easier the connection is built. There’s less awkwardness and more memorable moments to share. Go to a sports game, explore downtown, go for a bike ride. There are plenty of things to do even when you’re in college, whether you have a car or not.

If you don’t feel a connection, don’t stick around.

This one might sound obvious, but it seems to be common enough that people may try to force a spark or try to just wait it out until they feel one solely because they want a relationship or think the person would make a good partner. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste someone else’s time. Wait for someone you’re actually interested in. Wait for someone you get excited about. Wait for someone whose presence instantly makes you happier. It’s just annoying when a bachelor or bachelorette keeps a contestant around because they hope to develop a connection with that person.