If You Want A Healthy Relationship, You Need To Understand What Your Love Language Is
Swoon

If You Want A Healthy Relationship, You Need To Understand What Your Love Language Is

You have to learn how you like to receive love in order to understand how to give it.

184
If You Want A Healthy Relationship, You Need To Understand What Your Love Language Is
@couplegoals

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little over a year. Prior to this, we had been "friends" for years. I put the word friends in quotations because our friendship always held more, but we never knew how to communicate that with one another. Little did we know, it was because of our love languages.

Gary Chapman is known for his books concerning the love languages. You may have heard about love languages, but might not really know what they are or where to start.

Love languages are essential to your everyday life. Love languages are your individual ways of connecting with others around you. There are five love languages: quality time, physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, and acts of service.

Quality time refers to taking the time to do something together or enjoy each other's company. This is like having a hobby together, rather than Netflix and chill in some guy's apartment.

Physical touch is seen every day, but it is more than just sex. Physical touch can be as simple as holding hands, hugging, or sitting close to each other.

Gift giving means you enjoy receiving gifts from others that are meaningful, rather than expensive. It is that thought behind the present that matters to gift givers, not the price tag.

Words of affirmation refers to communication. You enjoy compliments and meaningful conversation, rather than silence.

Finally, acts of service means you appreciate when others offer a helping hand to get something done. It means a lot to you when someone will help you clean the dishes after a bad day, etc.

On the love languages website, you are able to take a quiz that ranks your love languages from most important to least. Each person has a mix of these five love languages, and the order that they rank reveals a lot about the person that you are. Why is it important to understand your love languages? It is because they are essential in everyday life.

Your love languages determine how you interact with people, and how you perceive the actions of others.

How you normally prefer to receive love, is how you tend to give it. Love languages are fluid, and change based on what seems to be more relevant to your life at the moment. They aren't just used in romantic relationships, they can be seen in your friendships, between coworkers, etc.

If you prefer acts of service, then it will mean a lot to you when Jenny in the next cubicle grabbed your papers from the printer and brought them to you, rather than someone complimenting your presentation the day before. However, if Jenny appreciates words of affirmation, you should verbally express how much her acts of service meant to you. This exchange shows that you can understand how you prefer love, while also expressing love in a way that is meaningful to the other person.

This is why most relationships fail.

To develop a strong connection, you should know how you like to receive love, and understand how your partner enjoys receiving love.

This leads to a deeper relationship and a mutual appreciation between the two of you. This helps establish boundaries and helps to see where miscommunications in a relationship can occur.

To refer back to my little story above, prior to dating my boyfriend, my top love language was words of affirmation, and his was quality time. For years, I waited for the words "I like you," while he was spending all of his time with me, expressing in his own way that he cared for me. This simple miscommunication, combined with our lack of readiness for a serious relationship, led us to wait for three years before getting together.

Now, because we've taken the time to understand the other person, and how they prefer to connect, we are a much stronger couple. As we've grown, our love languages have changed to become a compromise of our prior results. I know appreciate quality time more, while words of affirmation have been more important to my partner. It's nice to see the change in yourself as you learn who you are and develop a clear idea of how you prefer to be loved.

It is also important to learn more about yourself. Love languages are present in every relationship, and they are key to understanding yourself. If you take the quiz, you never know what you might learn about who you are.

Report this Content
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B just dropped the hottest summer single yet. It's called "WAP" and we're going to get into all the intoxicating lyrics.

This song empowers females and their sexuality. These women put the ridiculous music industry female beef to bed, and I mean tucked away in a coma.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How To Write Down The Holy Grail Recipe Everyone Begs You To Make

Because everyone has a signature cocktail, cake, or pasta they bring to every potluck.

NBC

From back when I used to bring my mom's classic white chocolate chip cookies to preschool on my birthday to now stirring up my signature tequila cocktails at every friends' barbecue, I've always had a couple of standby recipes in my culinary rotation.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Meet My Cat: Cheshire, The Stray Turned House Cat Who Lives in Michigan

I never considered myself a cat person, but Chess immediately stole my heart.

Madelyn Darbonne

In 2016, a stray cat gave birth to a litter of three grey kittens on my aunt and uncle's property. I had never considered myself to be much of a cat person, but these furballs immediately stole my heart. I got to watch them grow up until they were old enough to leave their mother's side.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How To Binge-Watch A TV Show —And Then Write A Review About It

Writing your favorite and least favorite things about a show could not be more fun.

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

Looking for a new show to binge? Stop scrolling through your options and listen.

Sometimes a good show doesn't come down to the genre or the actors involved, it comes down to the fact that it is simply a GOOD show. If any of these things sound appealing to you, you should definitely watch.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been bleaching my hair since I was in seventh grade. Yes, you read that correctly, seventh grade. That's nearly 10 years of maintaining a very light shade of blonde that too-often brings about dryness and brittle strands.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chances are if you're here, you're probably interested in writing an open letter. Yay! We're excited to have you.

Of course, not all open letters are created equal. In fact, there's a recipe to writing one for Odyssey that'll get featured on one of our many verticals. When it comes to Swoon specifically (for those new around here, that's our dating and relationships vertical), we receive dozens of open letters each month, many of which are all very similar.

Keep Reading... Show less

With a new phone comes great responsibility: Do not break it! And the best way to do that is with a case. However, picking a case can be a challenge. No need to fret, I am here to help break down some of the best cases for the new iPhone SE 2020. Honestly, I think it's going to be impossible to choose!

Keep Reading... Show less

To some who have been out of the dating world for a while, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things after being single for some time. So, I asked 26 people what they think is important to know before looking for love again, here's what they had to say.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments