Love is a complex emotion. Google calls it "an intense feeling of deep affection" and while it's hard to put precisely into words what love means, this is probably as close as it's going to get.
Something that we forget about love is that it's not just something for your significant other. Love is something that we feel in different forms for people and things and creatures and places we know well. Here are 5 of the ways I experience love.
1. Love for my family.
My first memory is of the dog my parents had when I was three years old.
It's not for a while that my parents feature prominently in any of my memories, but all the ones they do star in are gold.
For example: my father once told my brother we were having squirrel for dinner. My brother, completely unfazed by this, asked a simple question: "Can I have ranch with my squirrel?"
Much to our chagrin, my mother was a lot better at video games than my brother and I were at the tender ages of 6 and 8, respectively. He and I would watch her play Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 until the sun came up, sometimes hiding in the hallway to do so.
2. Love for my friends.
I remember the dates very clearly because I spent a lot of time staring at my phone screen.
June 15 was the night we first interacted. It was Destination Kent State, the orientation program for incoming freshman, and we'd come to the karaoke portion of the evening. I hadn't noticed him at all that day, but that night he sang "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood and he made a lasting impression on me. That night I sang probably five or six different songs, each time trying to live up to the humor in a guy with a very deep voice singing a higher-pitched song. I am pretty sure I failed in this task.
I didn't sleep well that night. I was in a strange place and I struggle with insomnia on a good day at home. I stayed on my phone until about 4 a.m., when enough was enough and I just really wanted some coffee. I was on the second floor, but I figured no one else would be awake at that absurd hour.
Boy, was I wrong. The doors opened and he scared what remained of my sanity right out of my body.
We talked for a while, both of us clinging to all our belongings. I never did get my coffee, but I did make a friend.
3. Love for my other friends.
I've always been better at having friends online than in person. I enjoy having more time to respond to things and to a degree I can present myself in a different way than I can in "real life."
There are some people I met on a site not unlike Neopets but very different in many ways. I'd never have met them if I didn't use the site, and they're some of the best friends I've ever had. You know who you are, and I appreciate you every day I talk to you.
4. Love for those who have made an impact on me.
I struggled a lot during my middle and high school years. There are people I met at my first school who had an impact on me in one way or another, most of whom I have since lost contact with because I moved away and didn't bother to keep in touch. I regret this a lot.
Then there are the people I work with. Mostly the bartenders and servers who go out of their way to talk to me, to smile and say hi and ask how I'm going. I'm lucky to be able to work with good people.
And of course I've had a few teachers who changed my life, but the biggest mention has to go to every single person who taught at Gerson. All of them were wonderful, selfless people who I felt genuinely cared about me and wanted to see me succeed in life. All of them, even the math teacher! It wasn't always the most academic place, but I learned something new every day there. For as much smack as the place gets from its students, I honestly miss it. If you're reading this as a Gerson kid, please don't take your time there for granted.
5. Love for myself.
Self-love has always been the hardest part of self-care for me along with healthy eating. If you're down, it's hard to pick yourself back up. But you have to. No one else can pick you up if you're not willing to help.
I've come to love who I am. I'm sassy, I'm fat, I'm queer in both senses of the word. I've got pretty eyes, hair with potential, and a nice smile. There are absolutely things I'd like to change about myself, but these are things that'll take time to work on.
It's about finding the little things about yourself that you don't hate. You don't have to be perfectly accepting of every single fault and flaw you have.
