Every time you log on to Facebook or Pinterest, you see them. A suffocating amount of opinions about relationships giving you unwanted advice on what type of person to love and how to love them are everywhere. Facebook memes tell you to love a man who texts back every five minutes, who can cook and who buys you all of the Victoria's Secret clothing in the world. Model couples on Instagram shower you with unrealistic images of how relationships should be and what you should strive to become. Date someone rich, date someone attractive, date someone who goes to church every Sunday, date someone who has their life figured out already, date someone who loves his mom but isn’t a mama’s boy – you name it, the list goes on and on.

A lot of this advice is greedy – telling you to seek qualities in your partner that benefit you financially instead of aiding your growth. I'm not sure what guidance and quotes fill your feed but I can't seem to get away from the infamous “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” This advice gets under my skin because it could not be farther from the truth.

He was tall, dark and handsome. I heard his name numerous times through the lips of friends and ignored every word. I was almost a year out of an abusive relationship and time hadn’t healed much. I hid my emptiness by immersing myself in the company of my friends and family but the pain was still there. I didn’t know how to reincorporate myself in the life I wasn’t allowed to have for all of those years and how to make decisions on my own. What I did know is that I didn’t want to even think about a relationship or letting another person into my life. I had been battling Major Depressive Disorder for a few years and it was at its strongest, kicking me when I was down and at my most vulnerable. I hated myself in every way.

I was told that I was “unlovable” and “undeserving” of a healthy relationship so many times that I believed it. Then he walked into my life and instantly, everything made sense. I didn’t have to pretend to have it all together because he loved everything about me, including the insecurities and the flaws. He picked up the broken pieces and helped me start putting them back together one by one. To say I’m unlovable would be a lie but to say I’m easy to love would be a bigger lie. There were times I cried for no reason, times I was untrusting, times I pulled away and times I lashed out at him but he never left my side. With his help, I began to blossom into the person I have always wanted to be.

He is patient, he is kind and he is understanding. Every day starts with a thoughtful text and is filled to the brim with encouragement. Every day I wake up, knowing that however good or bad the day ahead of me will be, it will be okay because I’ve got something most people only pretend to have.

So, you don’t have to love yourself to be loved – the right person will come in at what you think is the wrong time and when you least expect them to and everything will fall into place without you forcing it to. Love is seeing each other at the lowest points and growing together until you reach the highest. Love isn’t always easy and it requires effort at times; the hard part is deciding who is worth your time and energy. Love isn’t pretty. Love isn’t perfect. Love isn’t buying matching shoes and watches; love is giving selflessly lasting things that money can’t buy.

While we should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves, we don’t have to be perfect to be loved. If we waited until we were flawless to form relationships with people, we would be waiting the rest of our lives and come out empty-handed.

I hope that you find someone who loves you at your darkest and if you already have, I hope you hold on to them. I know I will.