Everything always seems perfect at the beginning. Everyone always seems perfect at the beginning. That's why the start of a relationship is called the honeymoon phase. But, as two people get to know each other, it is inevitable that that stage will end. You can't choose to get to know just the pretty parts of someone's soul--the good comes with the bad, the dark comes with the light. The same goes for loving someone -- you can't just love someone in pieces.
People are not menus. You can't pick apart what you like, and ignore the things that leave a bad taste in your mouth. A person comes as a whole package -- and that package often times comes with things that are hard to like, love and live with.
I saw a quote the other day that got me thinking. It read, “You love him in pieces, and he will never be enough, because what makes him whole are the things you never liked about him.” Woah. That really hit me. And here's why...
I can think of a couple of different relationships that I have been in that have failed or been through tough times because of that exact reason. I love(d) him in pieces. I tried to love all the lovable things and ignore all of the things that I didn't find as desirable. "I love that he's so independent, but I hate that he doesn't pick up the phone," or "I love that he's so romantic, but I can't stand how clingy he gets." Looking back on it, that sounds so stupid--those two behaviors are one in the same because they both stem from the same personality trait. You can't love half of someone, hate half of someone, and expect them to magically fit into your head, heart and life one day.
Loving someone in pieces assures that they will never be enough. The things that make someone whole very well may be things that you cannot stand. But that is what makes them who they are -- and trying to change those things is not loving them, it actually looks nothing like love at all.
If you love someone, you have to love everything about them. You have to love the highs and the lows. You have to love the sunny, shiny, happy parts of their beings as well as the dark, dirty, twisty parts. You have to love all of someone, or not love them at all.
"Conditional" love is not a type of love at all. Loving someone for all of their good traits means nothing. Loving someone for all of their tough, hard-to-deal-with, and sometimes unlovable moments means everything. If you love someone in pieces, they will never be enough for you --because you aren't actually loving who they are. If someone loves you in pieces -- you deserve so much more than that.
Unconditional love is often a once in a lifetime type of love. The most loved I have ever felt is by the people who have continued to show me affection when I deserved it the least. And, quite frankly, I don't think any other type of love is worth wasting my time on. So, I leave you with this -- don't settle for someone who loves you in pieces, wait for someone who loves all of your pieces.
