Losing YOU was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I still get this thumping in my heart anytime I think of you. The thumping you would get as a child when your favorite toy was taken away. You were my favorite toy, my escape from the harsh realities of it all. You were there through the thickest situations. You were my solution to it all.
You'd take me away to the most beautiful places. Anytime I see your favorite color, I smile; it brings back the memories of when you first told me and I laughed and said "haha that's my favorite color too," even though it wasn't. I was so mesmerized by the person that you were. You were 13 when we met and I was 11. We met at the park up the block from my house, two blocks from yours. I went to school with your sisters, and one of them was in my class. God she looked just like you. Everything about her was just like you. She had all of my favorite traits about you: your honesty, your sense of humor, the same twinkle in her eyes that you'd get when you were passionate about something. I've seen that twinkle so many times; the things that I would go through to see that smile again.
The second I found out that you were gone, my entire world shattered; my entire life, all of our memories, flashed before my eyes. You weren't just my significant other, you were my best friend. The only best friend that I ever needed or wanted in my life. You knew all of my insecurities, all of the demons that lurked in my shadows. You knew exactly how to concur them, You taught me so much, I just wish that you taught me how to live without you.
2011 was my worst year yet, besides this one. 2011 was the year that I lost myself and I don't think that I've quite found myself again. You gave me such security, made me feel so good about myself even when I didn't. Many people I tell about you feel bad for me, feel sorry. But I feel sorry for them, for not getting the opportunity to know such an amazing and beautiful young man. You had such compassion and love for your loved ones.
I wish that you would have listened to me that day, I really wish that you did. But you never did. I loved you then, and I love you now. I believe that all of the good things that have been happening in my life is because of you, but it hasn't all been great, You've thrown obstacles at me because you know what I can handle. Anytime I go through anything, I think of you and it all goes away.
5 years later, and sometimes it breaks me, but I know you're always here, by my side, holding my hand through it all. I love you. 4/11/11 forever in my heart and mind.
