What’s a person supposed to do when they are forced to keep a foot in two different worlds and one of those starts slipping?
Throughout my life I’ve known the world I lived in. I knew the system, things made sense, and I felt safe. This is the world that I love and want to remain a part of. However, another world is choking me out, causing lines to blur, and creating complications that I have never dealt with before.
Suddenly, I don’t know the rules. I have no idea oh what I’m supposed to be doing or saying.
I can’t sever the ties to this new world. I can’t get away. There isn’t a choice for me to leave. At least not yet. I just want to run back to the place that I once knew and never leave. But that world has slipped beyond my grasp and all I can do is watch as it fades away. Losing this world is like falling off a cliff. I’ve lost my grip on the stable land that I knew and now I’m just hanging by a hand and a foothold.
I’m not alone on this cliff face. Yet, I’m not sure if what I see is comforting. Some people are navigating skilfully over the rock face. Every move is cautious and deliberate. They have ropes, and cords, and they seem to be someone to look up to.
Other people are swiftly moving over the jagged edges like it’s nobodies business. They are full of confidence… too much confidence… These people have frayed harnesses, broken cords, or simply no safety gear whatsoever. These reckless people love to state their opinion and do whatever they please. As a result, these people often fall to their death, Sometimes taking those around them with them. Their screams echoing for such a long period of time.
No one makes it through this place without injury. However, some people's wounds are worse than others. Some have a few scrapes, some have broken bones, and some reach a point where they can no longer mover or hang on. There are people who cling to the rock for dear life, but not all of them can. Others try to help, but they aren’t always able. These situations hit people, of all sorts, hard, and can cause some to slip due to grief. These instances make these the cliff that much more difficult.
In the deep, dark caves, etched into the cliffside, lies another group of people. They have stopped climbing. There are times when I wonder if they have it right. Just give up and sit in the dark. At the same time though, they seem so closed off, distant, and unhappy. The caves may be safer, but that type of life is hollow and cold. Even so, I don’t blame them for hiding.
Like the cave people, there are others who have also given up, although their actions are different. They express their desperation by taking a deep breath and letting go of the rocky cliffs that have become painfully familiar. For some of these people, letting go is the only option that they can see. They know that the other world is either long gone or just a hallucination. Now they live in fear of being forced to their death by one of the reckless one or simply various other reasons that they cannot control. Thus, they make the choice to jump and die by their own hand. Sometimes it’s out of fear, sometimes it out of hopelessness, and some just leave with a smile on their face as their trial is over.
Finally, there’s the group of people who are just trying to survive by any means necessary. This is where I am. Surrounded by a chaos that could cause me to slip up and plummet to my death. I’m still looking for a way back to the world I knew, and I’ll never stop looking. In that time, though, I will continue to be hurt and knocked around by the reckless ones, I will be cut by the jagged rock, tempted by the cave dwellers to shut myself away, and I will long for the relief of letting go of the rock and no longer having to worry. I need to focus on the clow, skillful, climbers that I can learn from them. Then someday maybe, just maybe, I can find that safe, serine, place again.
